Dad's Passing--When Blood Drops Mean the Most

         Saturday evening, surrounded by the family who loved him, my father breathed his last.

I had prayed that I could be with him when he died, but it was not to be. 

However, God allowed our daughter Crystal to be there, along with Mom, Elon, Iva, Joella and Craig, and grandchildren from three other families. 

They had gathered in that evening, after a long day of holding vigil, Mom never leaving the house, and Iva and Joella nearby, holding his hand, speaking words of comfort and encouragement. 

The group began to sing old hymns that he loved, such as "Day by Day."

They sang "Face to Face" and a couple hymns that we siblings had learned when we were very young, such as "O Zion Haste," which ends with "Tidings of Jesus, redemption, and release."

Little did anyone know that the moment of release from this world of pain and suffering was about to happen. 

They sang "For the Beauty of the Earth," all six verses, giving thanks for "the love which from our birth over and around us lies."

That was the hymn that the first Morley record was based on, the acapella recording Dad recorded of us children singing in Custer, SD, 45 years ago, with the title of the record based on the last words of this hymn, 

"Hymns of Grateful Praise."

And then they sang "Abide With Me."

 About forty-eight years ago, after we had learned this hymn as young children, Dad took us to the Sunday School class of his parents in the big old Methodist church in Grove City, PA, where we children sang for the class. 

"Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes,"

childish voices sang, while my father directed us to look up at a picture of Jesus on the wall while we sang. Just a few days before my father died, my sister Dorcas remembered this occasion .  

"Abide with me; fast falls the eventide.[And it was eventide.]

The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide. [And rain was falling outside.]

When other helpers fail and comforts flee, 

Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me!"

 

Moisture was forming by Dad's eye, which Elon wiped away. 

 

 "Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day.

Earth's joys grow dim, its glories pass away. 

Change and decay in all around I see, 

O Thou Who changest not, abide with me!

 

I need They presence every passing hour. 

What but Thy grace can foil the tempter's power?

Who like Thyself my guide and stay can be? 

Through clouds and sunshine, oh, abide with me!

 

I fear no foe with Thee at hand to bless;

Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.

Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?

I triumph still if Thou abide with me!

And then this was the verse my sister Iva almost broke down on, watching the unseeing eyes of Dad just across the room.

 

"Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes; 

Shine through the gloom, and point me to the skies. 

Heav'n's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee!

In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me!"

The grandchildren had begun to disperse when my brother Elon quickly called them to gather around for a final prayer--and how little he knew how final it would be. As Dad's breath labored, Elon prayed, as my daughter described it, a "very long" prayer, but the perfect length. For upon its close, Elon began the Lord's Prayer and suddenly the many voices joined in. 

"Our Father...

Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."

Because of the blood drops shed on Calvary, our many sins can be forgiven, as we choose likewise to forgive others who have offended us. 

"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

Everything we need to pray has been prayed in that prayer.

"For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory

forever. 

Amen."

And it was then that Iva noticed my father's chest was no longer going up and down.

There was a slight gasp, and then another very slight breath.

My niece Natasha, a nurse, was summoned to check his pulse, and in a moment everyone knew that Dad was gone!

They were in shock.

They had assumed he would linger longer--we knew so many who lingered for a week or more after their last bite of food or drink of water.

But God chose to take Dad quietly and peacefully, right at the end of the Lord's Prayer.

"It was Dad's last Amen," my sister Iva wrote. 

And what a quiet, gentle Amen it was!

My mother looked up to heaven, and held up her hands, and thanked God.

We had prayed God would take him mercifully and gently,

and He did.

Because of the blood shed on Calvary, we have hope.

To You, O Lord, we lift our hymn of grateful praise!

They Used to Carry Us--Now We Carry Them

Back in Missouri last week where I had gone to spend a few days helping with the care of my dad, Mom called to me one evening. Craig had arrived back from an appointment with my dad, and he was carrying my dad into the house!

Mom thought I should take a picture! 

Dad has lost so much weight, and he was so weak that Craig just picked him up in his arms and carried him inside. 

My parents used to carry us; now we carry them.  

When Dad was resting in his chair, Mom sat down to play the piano. 

"Day by Day" she played, one of Dad's favorite hymns. 

 I took a few snapshots--because I never knew which one might be the last one.

Tucked onto the only chair in their room was this little pillow my niece had cross-stitched for Mom and Dad's 60th anniversary. 

I slept in the double bed next to Mom's in Mom's room, the bed Dad can't sleep in anymore. Mom helped me put on clean sheets and a clean comforter--a gift from old friends many years ago. 

I noticed the lovely sheets on Mom's bed--brightly flowered with snow white background, with a matching pillow case.

"I got them at a garage sale!" she explained when I complimented how pretty and snow white they were. My mom is a classy lady! She likes clean sheets and neatly organized drawers.

You don't have to have money to have class--and my mom has class!

Mom went to pay the property taxes last week one day while Dad was at dialysis. I took her to the court house to do that, as it was not far from our other stops, and it saved postage. 

The lady inside was friendly and kind. Yes, Mom had figured and counted correctly.

Mom is good that way.

And one of those days, I found her resting--something she didn't do much. She was run ragged caring for Dad, even when I and others were there. 

Care-giving is simply consuming.

 I didn't have much time to just take pictures, even though I tried to take one of these pretty red berries on the branch outside their windows.

I tried to keep meals on the table--or on a plate taken to Dad in his chair.
He liked these potato patties made from leftover mashed potatoes.   

I spent a couple hours at my brother's house one day, cutting sweet potatoes from their garden into fries. Those were yummy, too! 

I did that while Tim, who had driven me over to Missouri in his little old stick shift car, helped the cousins butcher the deer they had bagged this season.

And more than once I escaped to my sister's home--to try to regroup. 

My hat is off to all caregivers.

God bless you! How do you do it?  

Three days into it I wanted to run. But I couldn't. I knew I had to overcome.

I had to overcome sleepless hours at night, and watching someone I loved suffer and worry about his condition and be confused and upset about things because meds were making him loopy.

Foot baths, meals, bringing blankets and pillows and prepping for appointments and dialysis, comforting, rubbing his back, listening, helping back to the bathroom and trying to figure out how to treat bed sores that three doctors haven't helped much with; coming up with pleasant conversation to divert his thinking...

such as telling about how two of his granddaughters were in the local paper that week!

Crystal and Candace had visited the open house at the florist shop where two other granddaughters work, and a reporter came through to snap a picture!  

"Even to your old age, I am He,

and even to gray hairs I will carry you," God said in Isaiah 46:4.

"I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you."

And that isn't a promise just for the aging parents who are frail and weak.

It's for caregivers, too. 

God carries us both when we can't carry on.

The Sacred Cup--and I am Blessed!

 I don't deserve this grace. 

The grace of sitting in church Sunday morning with my family around me, including Rose's boyfriend.

The grace of watching the communion bread and cups being served--and watching careful hands of each of my children take the bread,

and the hands of my husband, and Rose's boyfriend.  

All of us believers--sharing the bread and grape juice--signs and tokens of the blood of Jesus and the body broken for us. 

Not perfect; not angels; not without fault or mistakes. 

But all of us believers.

All of us.

I don't deserve this priceless gift.

It had seldom hit me quite the way it did Sunday morning, the first morning of the month when our church shares communion together.  

I am a blessed mother.

 

Please Pray for My Dad

Please remember my dad in prayer.

Dad has been a tough guy, still out mowing his own yard at age 85, but recently it's been found that his leg artery is almost completely blocked, which has been causing serious issues with his circulation. He's in a lot of pain and his feet and legs are not receiving good circulation, with all the symptoms that go with that. He goes to dialysis three times a week, and has been on medications to prepare him for a heart catheterization possibly later this month or December, because his heart, the doctor said, is only performing at about ten percent.

Jonathan and I are discussing when to go to Missouri to be with him and Mom. 

My sister Dorcas in Virginia is usually upbeat, but this evening, she is very sad.

She and her hubby Ben were looking at their beautiful Virginia sunset, and thinking about the beauty that lies "beyond the sunset," but the walk through the valley to reach "beyond the sunset" can seem very dark. 

Pray that my dad will not walk alone--that he will be able to commit himself to the One Who loves to reach His hand to those about to cross a very deep river. May he sense forgiveness, peace, and comfort.

And pray for us siblings that we will know how to be the best support to Dad and Mom through this time.