Worship at the Window

A couple mornings ago, in my quiet time near the window, my heart ended up in worship rather than prayer. Words to a poem just started flowing through my mind.

 

 O God of earth and sea and sky,
My prayer today is praise.
I cannot ask or question why,
Just worship You always.

I cannot cry, I cannot pray,
I only can adore
The God Who plainly lights my way
And on it blessing pours.

 

Into a smooth and level path
Rough mountain trails You pave,
And from Your holy, righteous wrath,
Poor sinners You do save.

You bring the violets from the earth,
The thunder from the clouds.
You give to man mercy and worth,
And cover pride with shroud.

 You see the sparrow when it falls,
And make the eagles soar.
You hear my heart whene’er it calls,
And love me more and more.

You loved me first, I loved you back.
You are my shield and sword,
O God of earth and sea and sky,
My everlasting Lord. 

Cozy Moments on Frigid Days

  When we are pretty well cooped up indoors due to 20-degrees-below-zero weather, we are grateful for the cozy scenes in the middle of the chill.

And it was chilly, that's for sure, especially when the wind was blowing. But our Christmas star, which we haven't been able to bear to take down yet, still shines in our kitchen window early in the morning and late in the evening.

My Lemons in January: True Missionary Adventures in Honduras book proof came in the mail recently, thanks to nephew Ezra's help.

Bacon sizzled one morning.  

 The plates Hannah and I fix for Jonathan look so yummy.

We often check our phones for pictures from all our children. Here is one that Rose sent from Ranch Haven Sunday morning when our Tim, her boyfriend Tommy, and Hunter Sayler were all trying to figure out how to fix the kitchen oven! 

With the frigid temps, we had to keep the goats and chickens in the garage. Danny called us to come watch our goat Bell stand on her hind legs to gobble up the feed he was dribbling down for her! 

 It felt good to have a laugh in the middle of the frigid muddle! 

As Hannah and I try to continue to sort stuff, we discover the three or four boxes and bins of decor I have saved for weddings. Here's rolls of burlap I got on clearance for a western wedding.

I had to get a snapshot of Danny's project in his spare time. 

Most of the time he's working for SIM with his dad or continuing to work on details on our house, but he also enjoys this kind of project!  

The fire blazes and unless it's below zero or windy, it keeps most of our house comfortable. 

I help bring in firewood just for the exercise.  

When Good Neighbors' Cows Come to Call

 After Danny helped the neighbors get good solid fencing up, the neighbors opened a gate to let the cows roam over the acreage outside our personal property.

I discovered them a few days ago checking out the fence and looking for any grass not covered by snow. Before long, however, they were meandering back down to the neighbors property where they get fed daily. 

Good! Apparently the fences were in good order. 

Not so. A couple mornings ago, while it was still dark, our very observant Danny (who likes to check through his spotting scope through the living room window at all hours of the day) noticed that cows were on our property, down by the septic system where there was a bale of very old hay the neighbor had let us have a year ago for something regarding the septic system. We've been using it for bedding for the goats, and were planning to bring more of it up before this bitter cold spell.

Well, by the time light dawned and the neighbor arrived at the feeding area, the cows had decimated the hay bale! Then they meandered off again to their regular feeding spot!

Our kind neighbor had been so good last year to give us the old hay for our septic and to help us put up sturdy fence, now we could forgive his cows, even though it meant Danny and I had to find straw right away since we were planning to move our goats and chickens into the garage for this bitter subzero cold spell!

Thankfully we have even other good neighbors, such as Pastor Ambrose, who allowed us to take the extra bale of straw the church had not needed for the outdoor nativity scene at Christmas time. He even allowed us to take some of the straw from the nativity scene, since Christmas season is obviously over already. Jonathan was away on SIM duties all day, and I didn't want to travel 20 to 50 miles just to buy a bale or two of straw.

Danny held big black trash bags while I scooped wedge after wedge of straw from the nativity scene we were raiding! Danny had helped the pastor set up the nativity scene, and now we were blessed with the straw from it! Over and over we are blessed with good neighbors and the ability to be the good neighbors ourselves, where we just help one another whenever we have a chance. It was already so bitter cold that Danny and I had to both get back into the van and warm our hands for a bit before gathering up more straw. But are we ever grateful now that we went to that trouble!

Our animals are grateful, too! They are quite content in our garage!

Frigid Saturday--Fed Sparrows--Flickering Fire

Our friend Ken Ganger, who had come with his wife Pauline a few weeks ago to pick me up at the Arizona airport, sent this photo to Jonathan of snow down in Arizona!

Here it was minus 19 degrees this morning, and kept dropping. Then it went UP to minus 14, but earlier, the wind chill was about 49 degrees below zero.

We've been keeping our woodstove blazing and still the outer edges of the house are quite chilly. I am sitting here with long johns, sweater, jacket, and scarf on after bringing in lots of firewood from out in that bitter cold.

  Jonathan is out trying to dig out the van.He was going to head up to take Pastor Ambrose to check on the plumbing in the church, parsonage, and senior center in this cold, but his truck wouldn't start. The van started, but it got stuck in the deep snow in our driveway. 

I had gotten our yesterday, as I already posted, to get straw and run a couple errands, dropping a hymnal Mrs. Ambrose had loaned me.

As I arrived, dozens of sparrows were hopping about the bird feeder Mr. Ambrose had set up for her, as well as on the plate of crumbs and fruit they had set out.  

Even in the bitter cold, the birds were warm and fed. How wonderful their Creator is to have equipped the birds with feathers and instincts that keep them alive in this terrible cold!

He provides for us, too! This morning the family had buckwheat pancakes for breakfast with warm maple syrup, warmed on the woodstove.

Also goat cheese with stevia-sweetened blueberries. 

While Danny and Jonathan installed more gas line for a gas heater for supplemental heat, 

Hannah and I cleaned and cleared the fridge of leftovers for our meals, heated on the woodstove. Our propane tank only has about two weeks worth of propane in it, and the propane truck driver apparently wouldn't come into our driveway yesterday to fill it. So we are rationing our propane.  I can use crockpots and electric skillets in a pinch, and heat some things on the woodstove.

 On a cold Saturday like this, more than the fire warms my heart. There's a belated Christmas card from my older sister Dorcas's family, with chickadees on the front, and family photos inside. Dorcas knows what my heart loves. 

I just peeked out into the garage a while ago, hunting for our broom, since popcorn is scattered all over the kitchen floor from a late evening snack.  

During the day the goats were up and content.

But it's dark thirty, and all good goats, chickens, and American citizens should be in bed.

I'll leave the frigid day, the fed sparrows, and the flickering fire in the hands of the Lord.

Goodnight!  

Pulsing--but Not Flowing--the Stubborn IV

Yesterday I went to Pierre for an IV Vitamin C. Two nurses set up at a charming little venue called Magpie's Gathering Place in Ft. Pierre where they offer supportive IVs to people like me.

"You have good veins!" IV nurses tell me all the time. They can see them, they can feel them, and so can I.

I also feel the poke. Usually I can manage the pain without a big problem, but last night, something was different. The pain was radiating clear down to the tip of my left thumb. Although the needle had accessed the vein and the catheter was in place, the blood was merely pulsing, not flowing. The IV line was gravity fed, otherwise a pump would have been strong enough to move the IV fluid into my vein. 

"I've only had this happen one other time," the nurse said. "It was a big, muscular man with big veins. It just pulsed instead of flowed for him, too!"

I was not big and muscular, but inside my elbow had been this extra large bit of vein that was easy to poke and access. I let the nurse know I was okay with pulling the needle out and poking my other arm which she had to do. There! That was better! 

 

I sat there trying to stick stamps and address labels on thankyou letters while one arm was having to remain almost still, while IV fluid dripped.  

I deleted unnecessary old photos from my gallery.

And, since I forgot to bring my journal, prayed for names as I paged through my contact list, including Connie.

I didn't just pray for her. I called her. She's the lady who goes to my daughter Crystal's church in Missouri who got rid of her cancer in 6 months by simply taking fen ben dazole and using a little frankincense and myrrh and peppermint oil topically. I've called her different times to ask questions.

She lived 2 1/2 years longer when her doctor said she had only 6 months to live.

But now the cancer came back with a vengeance and she doesn't have long to live again.

We chatted like old friends.

Then I called Jonathan's dad, who lost  his brother Wednesday, Jonathan's uncle.

Our lives have been filled with both sad and happy news.

Sad--about people who have just made the crossing like my brother-in-law Kenn's stepmom and Jonathan's uncle George,

and others about to make the crossing like Kezia's mother-in-law RuthAnn Jackman,

or a friend's daughter and pastor's wife both just diagnosed with diabetes.

Or happy news, such as Rose's wedding plans and the miracle God did when Brad Dendler, husband of Sharon who was in my graduating class at AWC, was able to be resucitated when he was found dead of electrocution at 480 volts,

and two days later woke up from sedation, completely fine!

If that isn't a miracle, I'd like to know what is!

Here's a picture of him that my sister found on FB. 

But anyway, last evening it took a long time for the pain to ease in my first arm. It was still hurting significantly when I arrived back home last night, and I could hardly go to sleep. 

Jonathan says I was scared in the night, hollering "Stop! Stop! He's coming after me! Go away in the name of Jesus!"

And at that, Jonathan woke me up, and my imaginary enemy in my dreams disappeared. 

I got up to discover this photo our Tim sent of his log truck in the mountains this morning.  

And this one of Rose and Carrie and Sam after a work day playing games with Tommy, Robbie, and cousin Pearl Morley who flew in to Colorado for a very full week with Rose and Carrie.

Jonathan has been busy working full time now for SIM. Last week he was helping at Martin, repairing an issue up at the eaves in the church and putting up shelving for the Poffs. 

I'm helping Hannah with her school, paying bills, getting thankyous out to many who have contributed to the medical fund SIM set up for us, keeping tabs on what I must do for my cancer protocol each day, preparing meals for the family, and sometimes just trying to survive.

There are times I do feel like I'm just pulsing, not getting anywhere or accomplishing much of value, fighting stubborn temptations to grudge at something or someone,

feeling a bit stuck.

But then there are the times that I sense the flowing of the Spirit through me. 

And I must remember that in the spiritual life, it's not about feeling, but about faith.

At times, something seems to be wrong.

There's unexpected things happen, pain radiating clear to the depths of your heart, and life just pulses for a while.

There doesn't seem to be that flow of unhindered grace and beauty and joy.

You are caught in a current of grief or pain or anxiety or circumstances that are beyond your control.

It's okay to switch gears, to move the IV catheter to the other arm, to compartmentalize something that you can't otherwise process right now, to simply change your mind and look at a situation with a totally opposite perspective. 

I can let the Spirit flow in my heart and life again. I can let go of circumstances and people I can't control. 

I can let peace and joy flow freely--not pulse hopelessly but flow freely and hopefully and patiently and sweetly,

quite unstuck despite everything around me. 

PET scan results and Doctors Call

Monday afternoon I received a call with voices I recognized from the Arizona clinic. It was both doctors on at once, and they had gotten my PET scan results. We were rejoicing together that the PET scan confirmed no sign of the former metastases in my liver, lymph, or anywhere else in my body, just the original tumor spot that still had some small "hot" spots, but with numbers that were low.

 I had been trying to prepare for the worst. (What if???) And the one morning in Arizona last week, I had been thinking about the verse in Romans where it talks about giving our bodies a living sacrifice.

"Living or dead," I said to God, "my body is Yours."

"But," God seemed to reply. "I didn't say for you to offer up a dying sacrifice."

"A living sacrifice," the verse says.

I thought of that, and just like that, the soggy fear left. For me, it seemed, at least for now, God is asking a living sacrifice.

My body is His, to serve Him with, not to serve myself but Him. 

And God has brought healing to much of my body. There is still a ways to go, and the doctors want me to keep getting herceptin now that my lungs are back to normal. 

I felt a little like the kitties above, that Jonathan discovered when he stopped at a fellow missionary's home, soaking in the warmth of the sunshine of encouraging news, while at the same time knowing that I cannot rest on my laurels, but must keep working at the job of completely getting rid of the cancer. 

For now, since the South Dakota clinic has still not heard from from the pharmacy, I must travel every couple weeks to Arizona for a few days at a time to get herceptin, which includes necessary bloodwork, IVs, etc.  

I was feeling bad about all the travel, packing, unpacking, planning travel meals, leaving again and just the hassle, but after unloading on Jonathan's broad shoulders on the phone a bit (he was at ACE hardware buying weather stripping for around the door at mission headquarters) I felt better. I've learned to manage--sort of. Even by myself, which is how it will have to be because of expense and Jonathan obviously has to work.

As I got off the phone, I started to go through our basket of Christmas cards, thinking to have us choose cards every evening worship time to pray for the senders. Didn't I find one I had somehow missed opening! And a $50 bill fell out of it.  I thought how I had just given a $50 bill to Gospel Center in Arizona for letting me stay there last week during my treatments. God gave it right back to me!

 As I checked through the cards again, I found another check! It seemed like God had allowed me to miss a couple checks so that just when I was feeling down about all the travel, stress, packing, and expenses, He would show me that He cared and was providing right on time! There was enough in that check to cover my trip down plus some. Then wouldn’t you know it, during family worship as Hannah reached in to pick a card and sender to pray for, a third check fell out! How on earth did I miss that one,too? Was God creating lost checks out of thin air?

Or letting our children in on the way He was providing? The timing was so special! This was definitely one time it “paid” to pray!  

 

So next weekend, Jonathan already has a ticket for me to fly back to AZ, this time from Sioux Falls, since we'll be in the Sioux Falls area that weekend for a missionary rally and clinic visit. 

I will try to make the best of the week ahead here in SD--even if it is to be bitterly cold!