"No Charge Today"--and Free Grace

"No charge today," the receptionist announced pleasantly as I pulled my wallet out of my purse in preparation to pay the bill at the doctor's office. 

I stared at Jonathan, and he stared at the receptionist.

"Tell him thank you," Jonathan said quietly.

The receptionist nodded and stood up. 

All we could do was be grateful and leave.

The doctor is one that Jonathan has worked for recently, and Jonathan was able to get me in for a checkup about my chest pain. 

My heart checked out okay, and even the EKG came back fine.

I almost wished it hadn't. 

Then there would be something concrete--a reason for this pain.

Then everyone around me would sympathize and help take care of me and maybe even babysit my kids.

You can explain a heart attack.

How do you explain heartache?

 But the doctor didn't even charge us. 

Perhaps he understood heartache--most people do. 

The pain seems to be either a result of yanking something too hard while cleaning up a few days ago,

or stress.

 The doctor and nurse both had been so friendly and kind,

answered our questions, given advice.

I drove slowly away in the autumn sunshine, still with the pressure and hurt in my chest at times,

but contemplating the "No charge today."

Like the "free grace" the Bible study teacher had talked about on the radio broadcast on the way in.

"Amazing Grace" is the hymn on this laser-printed fabric in the quilt shop I ran into for a few minutes in Colby, KS, while Jonathan went to Walmart to get an air filter for his truck 

on our way home from Missouri. 

"Free Grace."

You get a doctor's advice and care for free--because he cares.

And then there is God's free grace--because He loves us and made us and nothing can separate us from His love.

And so I drove home, stopping to pick up some needed groceries,

and trying to put my trust in the Lord regarding not just the mysterious pain but the weights upon my mind..

And there is this subtle temptation to turn to shopping to try to forget what's bothering you.

So you just let Him know, "Lord, I'm trusting in You, not in shopping."  

And then you do shop, and but you are not trusting in it to make yourself happy.

And God blesses you with lots of marked down sourdough bread--

so much easier for me to digest lately than the regular.

And as you go about the store, you face another subtle temptation--to turn to food to help yourself feel better.

And you answer that one the same way--"No!

My trust is in the Lord, not in food."

And of course you put food into your cart, even a few marked down doughnuts or bran muffins or apple cinnamon chip cookies--

but you aren't trusting in food or sweets or chocolate to get you over the hump.

On the way home, you stop for just a few moments by a lakeside
to get out by the water and the ducks and pray.
You put your burden into His hands, and pray for guidance,
and thank Him for grace.

And you come home and you need a hot meal, and the girls are putting leftovers away,

but there is still some leftover potato/corn chowder I made yesterday,

which was oh, so good!

And so no, you don't trust in food to self-soothe, but God provides it for you like He did for Elijah,

and your angels are your own daughters, and you eat with gratitude the hot

and comforting bowl of soup.  

"Thank You, Lord, for this nourishing soup--just what I needed!

But remember, I'm trusting in You!"

 And sometimes there is the temptation to turn to work to try to forget what is eating at you.

Lessons to check, food to cook, the fridge needs cleaned, veggies need picked before the freeze tonight, laundry put away, waste baskets emptied, stuff sorted in the office, schoolwork to finish, 

spelling test to give, floors to sweep or vacuum. 

But no, you work because it is your duty, but  you don't trust in it to help you feel better. 

You trust in the Lord.

 The children had some western gospel songs playing in the CD player as I ate lunch, 

and the words touched me,

and yes, music refreshes and comforts and blesses,

but, God, it is in You  I put my trust, not in music.

 And unfortunately there is also the temptation to lash out and swat at someone like we swat flies on the wall.

You're hurting so you take it out on someone--maybe your child, maybe your parent, 

maybe your spouse, maybe someone else, maybe myself, maybe even the dog or cat--or rooster. (Danny brought a rooster inside this morning and was that ever funny as it flapped and squawked in his arms!)

 Maybe there's even the temptation to swat at God.

Yeah, I know what that feels like.

Instead, we just say quietly,
"Lord, I'm trusting in You."

You refuse to swat at God.

He has promised  to work all things for good if we love Him.

That includes this.