Beauty for Ashes--After Chemo

  Yesterday after my chemo infusions, since we had to stay the rest of the day and overnight in Rapid City for another injection in the morning, I suggested we go for a ride in the autumn glory. Despite how weak I felt, I have found that keeping moving and finding joy in nature are extremely helpful in keeping a positive attitude through this difficult time.

Because of a rescheduling of my chemo infusions so that the doctor could see me first, we had an extra hour already in the morning to go for an early morning walk. We decided to simply walk down a back street and get away from Twilight Drive where the church is. That street is so busy with cars that time of morning that you can hardly find a time to cross.

We enjoyed the gorgeous autumn leaves, sparrows twittering, a flock of doves flying away from a favorite tree, and this carved stump. It was much better than waking up about 11:30 the night before to the sound of terrible gunshots going off from a vehicle. I thought at first maybe it was just a vehicle backfiring, but Jonathan was sure it was gunshots, maybe an AR-15. It was coming our way! Having the church between us and the shots being fired was not a very big comfort! The vehicle went by and then turned on the very next street, going by us again, shooting the whole way, with just houses and yards between us. Jonathan called 911 and was told others were calling and that troopers were en route. In the morning, the pastor's wife told us that they knew it to be someone's Ford Ranger spruced up with these sound effects. 

We were not impressed. :( :(

 

It was not an easy morning for me. We met with the wig lady, as I call her, who gave me the wig on order for me and let me pick more hats. I have lost most of my hair, as you can see, and my hair looked even worse after trying on my wig! I was extremely weak, as I had been trying to fast in order to put my healthy cells into protective mode to protect them from the chemo, as I'd researched that it helped keep chemo side effects at bay. But I had to ask Jonathan to buy me some almonds, and a few of those stabilized me. My doctor frowned at the idea of fasting, as she would have preferred to see me "coming in nourished." But she allowed me the freedom to make my own decision. After all, I had suffered no terrible nausea last time after chemo, and I felt it was worth fasting to be able to eat later and to hopefully not have the mouth sores and other issues, but most of all to protect my healthy cells since chemo is indiscriminate! 

 I have tried to live my life with the discipline of enduring hardship in the short term in order to experience rewards in the long term. This is one of those times. I don't know if I am correct in this particular issue, but I do know that I never took any of the extra nausea pills the doctor prescribed for me. Not one. I took the necessary ones for the first three or four days, and then I got through the rest of the three weeks able to eat every meal, never once throwing up or even thinking I would. I did gag a couple times and had a hard time swallowing all the supplements I'm taking. I never got a mouth sore (yet) except from biting my cheek!

In the middle of my chemo infusions, a social worker came in.  

We were quite nervously sure she was coming to talk about our unpaid bills, and I was sitting there wondering if this would be my last chemo (which would be nice in one way and terrible in another since between the chemo, lymphatic treatments, and natural supplements and treatments the cancer has been healing beautifully in just these last three weeks whereas before starting chemo I was getting into almost constant pain and unable to sleep for hours at night). Instead she asked how I was doing emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. When we admitted to her we thought she was coming to talk about bills, she right away tried to think how to help. I said I wasn't sure if I could come in for any more chemo after these two treatments, since our health care sharing ministry has a cap on what they will reimburse. 

She suggested we look up Susan Komen's organization and check out the Pink Fund. Then she went out to do a little research for us, and came back not just with information, but with gift cards from Black Hills Road Trip of Hope, a local organization that helps cancer patients traveling from a distance with travel and lodging expenses. "This is such a small thing in comparison to the big picture," she said, "but I'm giving you the maximum amount they'll allow if you will just sign this paper." It might have been small in the big picture, but to me it was a huge blessing that my husband could go to the gas station and fill the tank using one of those gift cards!

After that, here we were, me having just eaten some hot chicken celery soup Jonathan got me from Golden Fortune Chinese restaurant, and me struggling to walk, but gaining strength in the fresh air out in nature. I had some crackers along, which I guiltily nibbled (since I'm not supposed to be eating white flour junk especially after chemo has wrecked my digestive system) in between throwing crumbs to the geese. (I allowed myself the pleasure, though, of nibbling a few yummy, salty crackers.) I got a goose to take a cracker straight from my hand!

Then we walked up the hill and sat down on a tree root to enjoy the sunshine and the lake and the autumn trees. It was like beauty for ashes, the joy of the Lord replacing the spirit of heaviness, although to be honest, I hadn't felt all that heavy in the cancer center. Nurses, pharmacist and student, and social worker had kept us busy talking or listening much of the time, and I had been warm enough this time, despite keeping my hands on or under ice packs the nurse provided during the worst chemo infusion to prevent neuropathy. 

I ended up feeling pretty drowsy after chemo and taking a half-minute snooze on my hubby's shoulder at the lake. Jonathan's noticed that a couple hours after chemo, I'm very drowsy. I've ended up falling asleep in the van while Jonathan shopped somewhere each time, and when he comes back and opens the van door, I wake up in a panic. It's a little crazy...

But before this post gets too long, I will save the news about the little fisher boy and the rainbow trout for Jonathan's supper--and about a very special miracle the next morning for another post.