God, I Don't Want Your Grace to Be Sufficient! (Reposted from 2014)

 Dear God,

I don't want Your grace to be sufficient.

I just want this pain to go away.

I don't want Your grace, I just want this situation to get fixed.

 I just want this problem to resolve.

I just want this annoying person out of my life.

Dear God, I don't want your grace or anything.

 I just don't want to have to practice or have to take lessons.

I just want to play pretty music automatically.

I just want to always do everything right.

 I don't want lessons in character building or patience or humility or relationships.

I just want everyone to like me and approve of me--without me having to go out of my way to be friendly or act nice or speak to them kindly or forgive anyone or cooperate with people I don't like. 

 I just want cookies and cranberry bread and pretty red ribbons and sparkly stars. 

I don't want to go out in the cold and sing for people suffering from arthritis--

especially when my own heart is aching inside.

 I just want to stay home and listen to my favorite music.

I don't want to go sing for someone who can't get out of her chair on her own.

That would just add to my list of woes in my life.

Dear God, 

I don't want to suddenly go out of my designated, planned way 

to Christmas carol to old people sitting outside that nursing home smoking. Phew! It stinks. 

Dear God, people just stink!  

Why can't I be a hermit?

 Dear God, I don't want you to prune my bare, brown, dead branches.

Can't you see how ugly I appear when you do that?

 Don't you understand that it hurts when you cut parts of me off?

Dear God, why can't a second work of grace cure all my problems?

Why do you have to keep pruning and clipping--and making me cry?

 Dear God, why do I have to face temptation? Why am I tempted to be bitter about that person who has hurt me so bad?

Do I have to search for that way of escape, 

in order to bear it?

I don't want a way of escape. I'd rather not have to actually 

bear something. 

 Dear God, I guess I've made up my mind. 

I don't want Your grace.

I just want my comfort zone.

 But, God, I- I have to admit,

I'm finding it hard to say Amen.

 I'm a little afraid to say Amen, God.

I'm a little afraid that if that is really what I want, I'll be walking this long, lonely path

called life

all by myself.

I can't afford to walk this path alone, Lord.

And maybe, walking it with You means that I'll have to attend lessons in humility, and practice sessions in forgiveness and love, and lessons in what it means to walk in the other person's shoes 

until I understand where they are coming from. 

Maybe walking this path with You will mean that I will have to submit to things I won't like

or enjoy.

 Maybe it will mean ongoing pain.

Maybe it will mean that I will have to let go of my ongoing prayers for release from this ongoing pain, and instead get a grip on Your promise of

sufficient grace.

 Maybe it will mean that I will have to gulp back tears when I read this verse in Jeremiah 66:9 NCV),

"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,"

says the Lord.

Dear God,

is the something new that you want to be born,

is it a new me in some area of my life that needs to be remade?

Dear God, I can't remake myself into someone who is just a little more

like Christ,

without Your grace.

Dear God, I'm willing to stop focusing on all this pain,

and instead look for the way of escape in order to bear it.

Dear God, I am willing to learn to lean harder on 

Your grace.

You said it would be sufficient.

God, can Your sufficient grace be sufficient for even this?

Dear God,  You said it would be. 

And now, Amen.