Less than two weeks ago, I received in the mail my order of a new book by our missionary friend, Heather Durham.
Ed and Heather Durham were fellow missionaries with us the entire time we worked in Ukraine from 1995-1999.
It was only a few months after Jonathan and I had begun to work in Ukraine, and were back in the US for the birth of Crystal, that we heard the tragic news of the Durhams' eleven-year-old daughter's death as the result of a sledding accident.
We traveled all the way up to Canada, since the Durhams were Canadians, for the funeral.
I tell a little bit about this missionary sorrow in my book, Sunshine and Shadows in Kiev, in chapter 21.
Young Janet was a conscientious, tender-hearted Christian girl whom everyone around knew loved Jesus.
My baby Crystal was only a few weeks old when we got this news.
How my heart prayed that my own wee daughter would grow up to love Jesus, too!
About the same time I am writing my own books about our experiences in Kiev, Heather began writing her own book which is now published.
It is a beautiful, tender story, of the grief journey she and Ed have traveled.
It is honest, poignant, and vulnerable.
That is what helps people most. It is not preachy, although she shares lessons she and Ed learned through their sorrow.
It is mostly an honest story, with comfort and encouragement and gentle lessons woven throughout.
I loved how she wove details about the whole story into every chapter, because if you know me, I like stories, and I like details!
And of course, I'm extra interested since we were fellow missionaries, and I really never knew most of the details in her book.
Definitely a page turner along with being a helpful reaching out to others in painful grief journeys.
One of my favorite parts in the book is the description of Janette's beautiful eyes.
But further on toward the end of the book, what really spoke to me was in her chapter titled "Adjusting Our Expectations."
What she wrote is a help to even someone like me who has not yet experienced a really close death, but who has experienced other griefs.
What she wrote is a help to even someone like me who has not yet experienced a really close death, but who has experienced other griefs.
"By continuing to view our life through a negative lens," Heather wrote, "we also rob those around us of experiencing a life of hope, joy, and fulfillment. When Janette died, we had to shift our focus to concentrate on building a rewarding life with Alicia rather than pining for something that would never exist. It was a commitment Ed and I took seriously.
Some people unsuccessfully attempt to fill the void left by loss with something else.
Instead, I decided to embrace the void. In my mind, my life had a hole smashed through one wall when Janette died. Nothing will adequately fill that space because nothing will replace her.
So, my rebuilt life has an archway that I have created from that broken wall, and it leads to a beautiful garden filled with flowers and butterflies. It is my garden of memories from those years that Janette graced our lives with her buoyant personality. I didn't seek to fill the void she left with something else. Instead, I chose to allow the beauty of our shared past to continue to permeate those places that were left empty.As
I look back over the years since Janette's death, I am reminded that
the ability to adjust our expectations gracefully is a key to surviving
the lifelong journey of grief..It is a continual adjustment that we make."
I also liked the bit of humor in the next chapter called "Focusing on the Positive," where Heather quotes another author, "Being negative only makes a journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it."
In the chapter, "Everyone's Unique Journey," Heather shares a struggle that Ed had with panic at losing things and not being able to find them at times, after Janette's death.
It took some time to figure out and understand how the panic was related to their losing "something of utmost value that was impossible to replace."
Subconsciously, this really affected Ed.
Heather had other types of struggles along this line.
It was encouraging to me to read how they strove to look for the root behind the new struggles they were experiencing so that they could understand them, and hopefully overcome.
This is a lesson that we can all learn, regardless where we are in any journey of loss, pain, or grief.
This book is just good!
If you would like to order this book, here is the link to where you can order online.
It even has free shipping!
https://www.heatherdurham.net/product-page/an-unexplained-endurance-book
I am so glad you enjoyed the book, Anna. It is my prayer that many people will find hope while reading it.
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