When God Sees What My Heart Really Needs

Today was another delightful Sunday in native ministry in South Dakota. 

After a hard week, and especially a hard Saturday of overdoing my work load, God knew this little lady needed a way to be involved in ministry so she could feel that it is worth it to be carving a home in the South Dakota hillside far from most civilization.

 

I was feeling like I wasn't doing much besides struggling through cancer meds, trying to unpack a few bins or boxes a day, and just survive. Saturday mid morning was busy with me unloading and then Hannah helping reload our upright freezer after Jonathan and Danny moved it from the garage to where it belonged in the house.

Then Hannah and I went 45 minutes to Rosebud where the rest of our belongings were stored, and directed the loading of all that. I hated to just tell others what to do, so I carried all I could, but it was more than I should have done. I had to postpone till the next day coming to a home afterward where I'd been asked to come visit and pray with a bedfast lady because I was just too exhausted.

 But that was able to happen today.

I felt a little better after I had at least a partial night of sleep and a little wee nap this afternoon. 

And after I was going through some things in a sloppy drawer and found this kitchen magnet.

Don't underestimate what it does for a weak little lady who is struggling just to keep going and  suddenly discovers an old verse of song on a very old kitchen magnet.

Friday morning I'd driven up to pick up Jonathan at the mechanic where he'd taken his truck, and as we pulled around the building, I noticed this row of sparrows on the roof of a motel here in town. 

Of course, I had to stop and ask Jonathan to take a picture.  God just knows exactly what I need. 

And I often need reminders--when the way is rough and I think we are just a big mess and what in the world are we doing in South Dakota anyway when so many things have gone wrong--

from a dry well to cancer to the truck breaking down to the back door latch of the van breaking to one little crisis after another.

He knows this little lady doesn't just need more eggs from our hens (though with soaking and warming their feed and adding salt and cayenne and turmeric, the hens gave us two eggs yesterday instead of just one) but she needs to feel needed.

She needs to feel that she has a niche.

That the little she has to offer as a supposed-to-be-missionary right now has value.  

It's hard to feel of much value when you are spending hours a day taking care of yourself and trying to take care of a family who is struggling to get firewood for the winter and finish trenching for the water line and finish painting the house exterior, and knowing there are tons of work needing done for SIM. 

 

So when a neighbor up the way who has a mother bedfast from a stroke called and asked if I could come and visit and pray with them, I made sure it happened, even if it did have to wait until Sunday afternoon--

after church and church meal and a quick family photo for Marc and Melody Sankey who are the new editor of Indian Vision, SIM's paper. 

We'd shared some of our goat milk with a couple at church who had given us a honeybear of honey, and he took some pictures for us. 

This particular picture didn't work because of the shadow speckles, (we chose the one at the top of this post) but I loved the scene, with Lakota Community Chapel where we attend Sunday mornings in the background.

Jonathan is being asked to lead the singing since the aging pastor and his wife are struggling with their voices carrying.  

And it was there this morning that a dear native church lady named Susie Rattling Leaf asked how Faye was doing. Our conversation ended up with me asking if she'd like to go with me when I went to see Faye this afternoon, and she wanted to, so the plan was made.

How sweet of the Lord to not only provide the kind of ministry opportunity that I love 

but to provide a quiet and dear native Christian lady who was delighted to go with me.

She offered the prayer at Faye's home and contributed to the visit since she's lived in the community probably all her life and knew Faye well and her family. 

Then the next place needed us to postpone our visit an hour, so I spent a quiet hour walking in the White River Cemetery. 

I told Mrs. Rattling Leaf that I love the native names. 

Right across the road from the church is a cemetery where there are headstones with various native names.

Walking there today I wasn't being morbid, just wanting a quiet spot, and doing a lot of wondering. 

And even there, God sent a flock of birds, I think finches, twittering suddenly in a tree near me and then flying straight up into heaven, circling, and coming back around, 

wondering who that lady was down there disturbing their peace.   

Today I couldn't seem to get more of a prayer out than just telling God I was coming to Him. 

It seemed like rather than praying down a list, I needed to just come to Jesus.

When I do that, my heart melts.

I think of the dear man in the story who would go to a little stone chapel every day and simply say, "Jesus, it's Jim." 

Was it enough to just go to a sunny window and say, "Jesus, it's Anna"?

To just come to him and start to cry?

Is that enough?

It seemed like it was enough today. 

I shared about that with my new friend Susie Rattling Leaf, and she understood.  

She also told me her own talk with the Lord today. 

"I always just begin each day with no plan," she said. "I just stay open to whatever the Lord brings along."
Today that included me and two bedfast ladies who needed encouragement, along with their caretakers.

Together we visited a second family who were caring for a bedfast mother who'd had a stroke. 

Together we delighted in the choices of tea we were offered.

"It's like a box of candy!" I gasped, choosing a Rose Lemonade tea, and enjoying the sweet warmth of the hot tea in a cup. 

Together Susie and I visited and listened. I sang and we watched the mother get her meal of the evening through her stomach feeding tube. It was the first time I got to see something like this. I felt it a privilege to be allowed to be in on the procedure as the daughter showed me how she does things after all these years of caring for her mother. 

I came home exhausted but knowing that God had cared for me once again.

 He had provided opportunities of ministry--and a precious ministry partner in Susie Rattling Leaf.