Today my family went to church without me. I stayed home with the garbage.
But let me explain.
I overdid myself earlier this week and have been trying to recuperate. Influenza and other illnesses have been sweeping the countryside, and I am trying to stay well after chemo and before other cancer treatments--despite one daughter's having a terrible cough right in my own home (hence being somewhat banished to her room for the worst days of it. I hold my breath when we have to cross paths, and then breathe out any germs before inhaling, if I can manage it without passing out! :) :) I have also been choking down slices of cloves of raw garlic with nearly every meal to try to help myself stay well, and so far, by the grace of God, I have stayed well.
But back to the garbage.
The last two Sundays while the family has been at church, I have tried to spend the hour praying while they are in worship service.
Now I am as dull, sleepy, and off-focus as anybody, I suppose, and praying for a whole hour is a little bit beyond me, especially when I am already worn out from cancer and chemo. (Kudos to the greats who have gone before us who have spent whole days praying inside hollow logs, feats followed by God's amazing outpouring of conviction, conversions, and revivals. God bless their souls, truly, and the souls of those who benefited from those long prayers.)
I am just saying, or confessing, whatever the case may be, that I am not, nor claim to be, ultra spiritual right now, anymore than at any time in my life. But I just try to bring my weak and off-focus self to the Lord in
prayer, grasping any straw of help in staying focused in prayer and
bringing our church and congregation and community to God for His help
and moving and convicting and transforming.
But when I stop moving long enough to be still and try to pray at the same time, I nod off.
I start to go to sleep!
Grr.
Grr.
Grr.
So much for being spiritual and praying for one hour.
So I have to stay moving. I wipe the counter and pray for God to clean our hearts.
I sweep the floor and ask God to sweep the dirt out of our lives.
I pace the floor and hold my hands up to God and lift the congregations to God and all our problems.
And then I look at the garbage. Do I pray or take the garbage out?
Well, I decided to do both.
I prayed for God to take the garbage out of our lives and our church--but then I thought of something else.
I was taking this garbage out to the chickens--the half a dry tortilla, apple core, cabbage leaves, potato peelings--but to the chickens, that stuff we threw away was a treat.
One hen came running as she saw me with the garbage bucket. She loves apple cores and potato peels. To me, those are garbage, but to the chicken, it is food.
I thought of the message we listened to online this morning that Pastor Jim Plank preached at Beavertown--"He must increase, but I must decrease."
I thought how in ourselves we are nothing. "Without Me, you can do nothing," Jesus said. We can play a gorgeous prelude, lead singing magnificently, sing a super amazing special, preach the most eloquent sermon people ever heard.
But our best efforts, apart from the Holy Spirit's anointing and power, are worthless.
Even "all our righteousness is as filthy rags."
Today my bucket of garbage inspired a prayer that broke my heart.
"God, our best efforts are garbage.
Without You, we can do nothing, be nothing worthwhile.
Please, God, turn the garbage of our best efforts into food for the people of Your pasture."
Just as my bucket of garbage will be transformed, by the miracle of the way God made our backyard hens, into food for them and then, in turn, beautiful eggs and food for ourselves, so God, by His grace can turn our feeble efforts to pray, sing, play an instrument, share a testimony or preach the Word into food for hungry hearts--including our own.
As we surrender the garbage of our best efforts to God, He will transform them into something that will nourish both others and ourselves.
"Come Holy Spirit, we need You.
Come, sweet Spirit I pray.
Come in Your strength and Your power,
Come in Your own gentle way."
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