What if Your Dark Christmas Tunnel Actually Led to Sunshine?

So there we were, in Middle Caicos, as I wrote in my last post,

having just discovered this special little monument of praying hands.

And now we discovered that the path suddenly ended.

Actually, it turned into a set of stone steps leading down into darkness.

We didn't know what we were getting into--just like you don't know what you are getting into 

when your path in life suddenly seems to come to a dead end

and then goes down,

and it just looks very, very dark.

I read a post a day or two ago called "When Darkness Falls at Christmas,"

discussing  the slaughter of the innocents when Herod tried to kill Christ.

"We too are caught in the cosmic crossfire of Christmas. We experience both 'joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory...' as well as burdens so great we despair of life itself ... Both are beyond our powers to comprehend because there is so much more going on in reality than we can yet understand.
When the deep darkness falls and never seems like it will ever lift again, that’s when we must pray for strength to comprehend what is beyond us (Ephesians 3:18), and trust in the Lord’s promises, not the way things appear to us (Proverbs 3:5). For this is what Christmas is all about: “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5).

And so I stood there in the darkest corner of that underground tunnel, seeing only a stone wall, 

and a dark corner,

and darkness ahead.

But there in that dark corner, I stooped down, and this is what I saw.

There was something waiting for us there if we would be willing to keep going down 

those stone steps.

Sometimes we pause, as Jonathan and I did at the top of the hill and the cliff,

we pause in prayer.
No, we wait long in prayer sometimes.

We lift our hands to our God Who Hears,

but He doesn't seem to hear.

Instead, He takes us down a path that leads to darkness.

But what if we just kept going, 

and kept trusting,

and kept going on into that darkness,

embracing that darkness and pain --with Him?

With Him,

I have to share with you, that down at the darkest corner of your tunnel,

the steps you take forward into the darkness

lead to light!

It was like a miracle!

It was an experience I will never forget-

that dark stone wall, the dark tunnel underground leading we knew not where.

It led to this amazing sea cave.

It led to light and sunshine and beauty and the ocean of grace.

In  a whipstitch, we were pulling off our hot shoes and getting ready to hit the breakers and the foam and the waves and the sunshine!

Nothing could quite compare with those 15 or 20 minutes that Jonathan and I shared

in the beautiful sunshine, 

all by ourselves at that ocean beach.

We laughed and we played and we waded and we looked for pretty shells for our kids,

and we kissed when no one was looking, 

and we took a happy selfie,

and we reveled in the bliss of it just being us two together in the beautiful sunshine

at the end of the tunnel!

So if Christmas for you is not all twinkles and sprinkles,

and glitter and glitz and gaudy gifts,

if instead of laughter it's a time of the slaughter of what is innocent,
and only you can fill in the blank for that,
whether it is others blaming you for what you are not guilty of,
or twisting what you have tried to say or do in an effort to get out of the sword's way--

remember that God walks with us through that darkness.
He knows what is painful for us this Christmas season.
What if His purpose for leading us through the darkness is that we may experience the intimacy of a relationship alone with Him--
taking off our shoes upon holy ground,
basking in the sunshine of His love,
dancing in the waves of His grace,
and being held in the Everlasting Arms?

So this Christmas season, what if in the dark of our tunnel and the hopelessness of our stone walls,
what if we submitted to step through the darkness--
and discovered light?
What if we entered the unknown
and discovered that we are fully known?
What if we expected misery,
and instead experienced a miracle?

When God Surprises You at the Top of Your Cliff

The last day we were in North Caicos, the pastor took our crew along the ocean to Middle Caicos.

After eating lunch at the cafe near the bottom of this cliff and hill, the rest of the crew took off to try to find a spot to snorkel, but Jonathan and I stayed behind to explore this path.

It was hot and I was hanging onto my hat,

(the only one I could grab at home just before rushing out the door to meet our plane)

but we were just loving the view of the earth and ocean meeting the sky.

And then we saw something we were not prepared for.

I think God loves to surprise His children,

and He sure surprised us with this at the top of the cliff.

As we neared it, it brought tears to my eyes.

I hadn't dreamed we'd find stone praying hands inside a little stone circle at the top of a cliff along the ocean shore of a Caicos Island.

But there they were--like the prayers of our own hearts beckoning heavenward

to a God Who Listens.

And so a mother and a wife

in all her poor humanity,

complete with a crazy hat and floppy outfit and sunglasses

stood reverently, tearfully,

where earth and sea and heaven met.

And there she sees this little placard

inscribed on the side of the little monument.

"Circle of Hope."
Hope.

 And she thought how hope had been given to her recently 

in a way she hadn't experienced before. 

And how much God wants to give hope to His people. 

And then God allowed us to discover this precious little spot.

I wanted to stay longer, but it was hot and more people were coming by,

and so we got up and kept following the path,

till it ended in these stone steps leading down into the earth.

You'll have to wait till next post to find out what we discovered down those steps, 

but you won't want to miss it. 

And if I could leave a thought with my readers, 

it would be

to not be afraid to explore paths never taken before.

Paths of faith and hope and trust,

paths of obedience and self-denial,

paths of humility and honesty with ourselves and with God about our feelings and our emotions,

paths of reconciliation and forgiveness,

paths of giving and receiving love,

paths of caring and sharing,

paths of joy and celebration,

paths of adventure with God.

You never know what you might discover at the top of your cliff--

whatever that cliff may be,

whether spiritual, physical, financial, relational, emotional, or otherwise.

But there, where praying hands arise,

desperate hands,

hopeful hands,

earth and heaven meet

and God bends low.

Homemade Bread in North Caicos--And What if We Became Bread for Others?

So here is my hubby [far right] and the other Mission Helps crew members starting on the back side of the school/multipurpose building roof.

The days were terribly hot, and it was the winter cool season down there!

It's a good thing we hadn't gone down in September when they first wanted us to come.

That was the hottest month of the year.

The ladies brought in homemade bread, some of the best we've ever eaten, easy to slice and delicious.

Food is often twice as expensive down there.

I cooked from scratch most meals.

I had such a wonderful time, just cooking for a crew of seven, setting table and then clearing it,  washing dishes and doing laundry and sweeping and mopping in this lovely, spacious kitchen of the mission house where we stayed.

I didn't have to multi-task or be interupted all the time [just some of the time]

or try to figure out how to do  so many things that I don't know how to do. 

I just had to sweep and mop up thousands of ants, slap off mosquitos and no-see-ims,

endure some heat.

And I got to be with my dear husband--something I treasure a lot. 

He would sometimes have to come get a recharged battery or some tool and we could sneak a kiss and a hug, and remember to care about each other's hearts. 

And here is what I could see from the back yard.

Several mornings or afternoons I made slushies for the hard-working guys who were suffering with the heat across the road. 

They were so appreciative.

I made enough for the pastor, any visitor at the moment, and the ladies and children at the schoolroom in the church one time.

The folk here had never made a slushy, so I taught the assistant pastor's wife how to do it--even though I'm not sure I had made many myself!

I just put 10 ice cubes in a blender, scooped out the pulp from an orange, added 3 tbsp. sugar and a capful of lime juice, and blended it up into a slushy.

I did two batches to make 6 or 8 little glasses, and made a serving tray out of a muffin tin!

[Forget class on mission projects! You make do with what you have!]

Once a relative of the pastor brought us ready-made restaurant meals from where she worked with yummy lobster! That was so special!

Another time, the pastor's wife, I believe it was, brought a dish of conch fritters and dip.

Those were fabulous.

How fun to savor seafood!

Here is what it looked like where I hung laundry by the house.

I would almost always get bit up my bugs pretty badly while hanging.

All day the guys would work on the roof or indoors on ceilings, 

and then several days they took off down the hill to disappear into the bay swimming to cool off.

They even managed to get Jonathan to go with them once!

He learned to float--almost!

I would stay up at the house seeing that supper would be ready when they got back, 

and we'd eat supper after they all hosed off their salt-water-laden clothes in the back yard,

and then track in one at a time to shower.

It's a good thing I grew up with four brothers and am raising three boys, too,

because I managed to put up with wet clothes lying around the back yard 

and dirt being tracked into the house!

But really, the team was great to cook for and clean up behind, 

always respectful and kind and appreciative

and when I let them they even did the dishes a few times.

The rest of the time I shooed them off since they'd worked so hard all day.

Saturday and early Sunday morning I prepared a few visuals to tell a story to the children's Sunday School class.
I had talked to the pastor's wife, asking if she'd like me to share a story because I  know what it is like to be a burned out Sunday School teacher and the blessing it is to have someone actually be willing to take a turn or help out in class.

And because I believe that we need to be broken bread and poured out wine.
 I didn't have to offer.
I could have sat and warmed a pew.
Instead I shared a story (asking Jonathan to help me with the visuals)--my never-fail story about Amy Carmichael and how God always answers prayer, and two new songs that the pastor's wife and the children seemed eager to learn.

We learned a verse.

And then the pastor's wife wanted us to go ahead and finish the class,

so on the spur of the moment I had to come up with something to fill in the last 20 minutes!

I suggested Jonathan and I take turns telling about some exciting things that have happened on our Mission Helps trips, so Jonathan told about nearly getting mugged in Honduras, and I told about our trip to New Guinea.
Jonathan also told about God sparing his life before we got married
when he fell asleep at the wheel and nearly got mashed by a semi.

He told the children that just like he realized after that happened,

that God had a plan for his life,

God also has a plan for their lives!

As the children filed by us on their way out, one of the pastor's grandsons said to us,

"I wish you would be here forever!"

Here is the boy's father and mother, the assistant pastor.
I like to have Jonathan help me in class, because I think it is good for boys in the class to have a father figure up front. There were several big boys in the class, and I believe they really enjoyed hearing stories from a real live man whom God had used and protected and had a plan for.
The best compliment we can ever receive does not come from a grown-up or a pastor
or a big-wig, or someone important.
It comes from a child's heart--"I wish you could be here forever."

And so just when we feel most broken,

and most crushed and ground up and torn apart and unsure of life's next step,

we surrender to being broken bread

and poured out wine

and just doing the next thing.

Grace Bay, Turks and Caicos--and Does God Actually Care for My Heart?

"Did you notice the name of the bay was Grace Bay?"

Jonathan said softly to me as we walked back to the guesthouse  in the bright, hot sunshine in Providenciales

 after an hour at the seashore before having to catch our taxi to the airport to meet the pastor on our way to our Mission Helps project in North Caicos.

I caught a quick snap of the name of this grocery store as the pastor was pulling out from it

after picking us up at the airport.

Graceway Supermarket.

Next to Grace Bay.

I knew I wanted that picture.

Because grace is meaning a lot to Jonathan and me lately.

Especially after spending two afternoons recently at Caring for the Heart Ministries,

a unique ministry where our friend from Pennsylvania, Brandon Byler,

had trained as an intern three years ago. That was while his friend,  Marvin Mosley, was our pastor, and Brandon attended our church the Sundays he was here.

At that time Brandon had resigned from pastoring and was considering going into counseling as a ministry. He felt that there is an area of people's lives that is not helped by merely pastoring and talking about spiritual issues.
There is also an emotional dimension that unfortunately often gets categorized as spiritual, usually in negative ways,
if not denied altogether.

In our own circles, it is my opinion that some of what goes for "carnality"
is actually unresolved emotional issues, but we do not have much room for that idea.
Brandon was courting a friend of my family,  Heather Martin, at the time three years ago
when he interned here,

and we were able to use our free miles to fly Heather out here for some time with Brandon,

and the happy couple ended up at our home the evening of the day Brandon asked her  to marry him!

He almost joined this Caring for the Heart Ministry because he felt it was what is desperately needed by many people--a ministry directed specifically at caring for the heart--

particularly hearts damaged emotionally from childhood and other wounds, causing them to block others in relationship,

build walls, and suffer in various and vicious cycles of emotional stuckness.
And if you are thinking that type of need is for someone else,
certainly not for you, bless your perfectly healthy little gizzard,
maybe you are the one who is the most stuck of all. 

Brandon had talked to Jonathan and me at our church while he was here, feeling that his ministry as a pastor would have been enhanced if he had known how to help people in ways that preaching does not help.
There is no one on earth, as children of Adam,
 who does not have some kind of emotional damage in their lives,
some more than others, of course, based on how healthy their homes, families, and churches of origin were.
This is the Caring for the Heart office building for this ministry founded by John Regier right here in our town.

Now there are 22 offices nationwide and in Canada.

John Regier, founder of this ministry writes in his transcript text of a DVD series Caring for the Emotionally Damaged Heart, which we purchased and are working through:
 "The Lord has burdened my heart with people who have come into my office, who are struggling emotionally with issues that affect them every day... anger... depression; rejected...other people have never been loved.

    "I have observed over the years that the church basically has not addressed every day emotional issues. This series is designed to help the body of believers to better understand these issues and to begin caring about the people who have been damaged and to help them spiritually to resolve their issues."

       Then he discusses four categories of issues
 1-spiritual [bitterness, temporal values, rebellion, pride, moral failure, occult and hypocrisy]
 2-abuse [physical, sexual, spiritual, and verbal]
 3-emotional [abandonment, neglect, ignored, insensitive, emotional detachment, rejection, disowned, humiliated, drained, etc]
4- pressure patterns such as expectations/performance, dominate/control, expressive, not talked to, focus on self, anger and critical/judgment

"A person can damage another by their strengths, i.e. a self-disciplined person can place high expectations on others [without love]; a dominant person may seek to control others; an expressive person may frustrate others who are not able to express themselves easily."
On the other side of the coin, people who are quiet and uninvolved and emotionally stuck or dead, can neglect to care for others, avoid others,
and can damage others such as their own children by not spending time with them, not listening to them,  not talking to them, not affirming them, and not loving them.
Unhealthy parents can either abuse their children instead of loving them,
or coddle and spoil them and never confront bad behavior or provide healthy, loving discipline for them. 
People who simply avoid people and problems, or try to cover them up, or spend their lives simply trying to keep the peace and never speak up for themselves
aren't really doing things in a healthy and loving way, either.

"Emotional damage from our past affects how we view ourselves,
 how we respond to...treat others,
how we respond to others who touch our pain,
and how we view God...
Unresolved emotional damage causes us to build walls to protect our heart from further hurt. Neither can we give love if we have been too emotionally damaged.
 Some individuals' damage causes them to self focus on themselves and their pain and they never seem to see others' needs or connect in relationship with others."

He asks,"May I encourage you to ask the question, have I been emotionally damaged? How has it affected me? How does it affect my ability to respond to others: How does it affect my ability to love? Has it affected my ability to open my heart to  my spouse/children/others?"

Jonathan gained some insight into what his wife was needing emotionally from him,

reasons for those needs (i.e. a huge buildup of emotional pain over the years)

and ways to care about his wife from his heart and to truly respect her,

being an example of God's love to me.

And I learned how I could care for some emotional needs in my husband's heart. 

This is what this ministry is about--helping couples to resolve emotional pain from their pasts

by identifying core emotional pain issues and bringing them to Jesus 

for resolving and healing

so that we can relate to each other and to others in more healthy ways..

 I took this textbook and workbook along with us to North Turk and did some reading and working on it a few times when I could snatch an hour or two here and there,

trying to gain insights into where we are right now with some situations we are facing.

This morning Jonathan and I woke early, with our body clocks struggling with the 3-hr. time change from the Caribbean,

and he found me crying and whispered about what was the matter.

I said, "I just was wondering, what if God actually respected my heart?

Isn't that in the Bible somewhere, about God respecting someone??"

And Jonathan said, "I think so."

 

And before long, in the early dawn, I was searching my King James Bible with my concordance,

looking up the word respect.

 Sure enough, in Exodus, God "had respect" for the children of Israel in their bondage. 

He especially has respect to those who are in pain, 

or under any bondage, or in distress.

"God heard their groaning, and God...had respect unto them."

Psalm 138:6 says, "Though the Lord be high, yet hath He respect unto the lowly."

I Kings 8:28, 39 says, "Have Thou respect unto the prayer of Thy servant...for Thou, even Thou only, knowest the hearts of all the children of men."

I wrote in my journal, "Lord, is it possible that rather than only commanding and demanding,

You respect Your children's hearts?

That instead of abusing or using, You respect our hearts?

II Kings 13:23, "The Lord was gracious unto them, and had compassion on them,

and had respect unto them...and would not destroy them,

neither cast He them from His presence as yet."

So have you ever wondered as I did this morning,

especially after you may have been treated disrespectfully, or used or abused or misunderstood or otherwise hurt,

"Does God actually care about my heart?

What about these things called emotions?

What about my heart?

Does God care about that?"

I hope to share more later as I post about our trip to North Caicos Island.