And Naaman Dipped Seven Times in--Chemo??!!

This week I am to have my seventh chemo treatment. I had only gotten five during the two months I was at the clinic earlier, because it took a couple weeks to get into the program completely and then one week my body was too low to get chemo. The doctors had wished I could stay longer until my cancer symptoms were completely gone. So these two weeks after we are back here for oral surgery the doctors and I decided to do two more rounds each of chemo and herceptin. 

Just before coming down here to AZ I had been reading in a book by a man to whom God had given the gift of healing. In that book it talked about how God doesn't always choose to heal in the same way all the time. More than once, when a person came to Jesus for healing, Jesus gave them something specific to do, such as go wash in the pool of Siloam, or go to the priests and show themselves. In the Old Testament, Naaman, for example had to do something specific that God asked him to do.

"I thought the prophet would come out and stand and strike his hand over the spot, and I would be healed," complained Naaman bitterly. Instead, the prophet sent a messenger to tell him to go wash in the Jordan River, of all places, and to do it seven times. Then he would be healed. 

Naaman was so mad he almost missed his healing!

I'm not sure I'm a whole lot better than Naaman, though there was something about that Bible story in the book about divine healing that struck me. Today I read about a lady who was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer, invasive ductal carcinoma, just like me, and who researched and started taking essiac tea, and perhaps other things, and was healed naturally without surgery, chemo, or radiation.

Then she even wrote a book about it!

I sat there nearly hyperventilating. I had to go outside and sit on the bench in the Arizona shade with jets roaring overhead into the Phoenix airport, just to sort of calm down.

That is EXACTLY what I had wanted to happen to me. I was going to go natural (or at least alternative) and get healed with herbs, essiac tea, supplements, healthy diet, special protocol, whatever, AND I was going to have fun writing a book about it! That book was going to help all sorts of other people fight their cancer naturally. They wouldn't have to do conventional things like have horrible chemo treatments.

But instead, my cancer kept growing. 

Great!

So another lady got healed and got to write the book. Yep!

As for me, I got stuck with resorting to a clinic in Arizona that comes at cancer from umpteen different angles including IPT chemo. And I had to go down there with very mixed feelings.

I felt guilty on one hand for not continuing through naturally and "trusting God," and like a thumb was in my back on the other. Was it God's thumb?

I didn't want to go, but God had enlightened a Scripture to me just before we found out my HER2 markers had doubled and that I needed to take further, fast, and drastic action. It was in Acts, and it stood out to me when we happened to be in attendance at a friend's baptism at a church we don't even normally attend. 

It was about Philip, whom God instructed to "Turn south." 

"This," the Bible explained, "is desert."

It sounded an awful lot like Arizona. And "Turn south," sounded like God was asking me to do something specific, something I didn't want to do. Like go south in the summer. To Arizona where the temperature had been soaring to 118 degrees without letup.

Are you kidding?

Like dipping in Israel's Jordan River when Naaman could have washed in his own rivers way back home where it was comfortable and closeby. Instead, he had to travel all the way to Israel and listen to a little maid and get sent to some river to take seven cold baths.

Freezing cold baths, like I feel when I have to sit for 30 minutes with my head in an ice hat, my feet in ice booties, and my hands in ice mitts just after chemo infusion, so my extremities won't be damaged neurologically. I nearly froze this time last week. With my mouth already in so much pain from the oral surgery and mouth ulcers, I was struggling to endure the cold and misery this time.  It was no fun at all.

This chemo thing is for the birds! I never wanted to do it. I hated (and dreadfully feared) the very word. Chemo! I could just spit!!!!!!!

I don't know why I had to have chemo. I don't know why Naaman had to wash in the Jordan. I don't know why Jesus sent a blind man to wash off the mud Jesus put on his eyes, or why Isaiah instructed Hezekiah to put figs on his boil. I just know that when these people did what God told them, they received healing.

Maybe God knew that it would have been a great thing for me to write a book about how I got healed of cancer naturally. But maybe He knew that it wouldn't have been good for me. Maybe my ego would have been tempted to be a little up in the air. 

Maybe God knew Anna needed seven doses of chemo to keep her humble, since she is very, very independent and human and neither an angel nor God. I don't know. I don't have all the answers. I don't even have one answer. Surely I could have written my wonderful book very, very humbly!

I just know that "Turn south," and "Wash seven times in the Jordan," were verses that stood out to me in my cancer journey.

And this week, I am to get my seventh chemo.

Like Naaman, I go to my Jordan River to freeze for the seventh time while I get an infusion that leaves me queasy and tired and weak and achy. No prophet to strike his hand over the place and presto! I'm healed. Just common ordinary cancer drugs--instead of essiac tea, though I am still taking the tea, too. 

I don't know what the end of my story will be. I am not God. I do not feel I have great faith, just small faith. 

I don't know why I had to come to Arizona and get chemo and lots of other treatments. 

But I do know that when God asks us to do something, and we do it, He does the miracle.

Chicken Zoodle Soup--Chemo Comforts!

When a person hears all sorts of confusing opinions about cancer diet, he just has to make his own decisions. That is what I did, especially after chemo treatments when I had almost no appetite and nothing tasted good--especially some of the raw food sent home from the clinic in August and September. But choosing soda pop and crackly bags of Cheezits like someone yesterday told me she watched nurses give after conventional chemo in typical hospitals was not an option for me either.  Now that we are back here again for oral surgery and some follow-up treatments, I opted out of the clinic's food program. 

 

However, when I was on the program, I tried to make the best of it. One day after chemo, I saw that the meal sent home included zucchini zoodles--spiralized zucchini! I made myself some chicken soup with leftover rotisserie chicken, carrots, onion, and then added these zoodles at the very end. And even after chemo, this soup was simply delicious!

Other dishes I made for myself when I couldn't get the raw food down was steel cut oats. Almond milk didn't seem to digest well for me, so I tried flax seed milk which works much better for me, and sometimes 1 or 2 Tablespoons of  (shhh) organic cream. Cream has zero carbs, and some cancer diets recommend all the meat and fat you want, just no sugar and no or low carbs. When I am too weak and gaggy to get much of anything down, and my body is looking like a holo caust survivor, I allow myself the grace to eat some carbs.  

Because other researchers have proven that many cancer patients don't die of cancer but of starvation. Between chemo taking away their appetites and making them sick, or not being wise with their food choices or choosing long fasts that aren't always good for every single person, people have died.

So I keep just doing my best. Jonathan enjoys making me homemade icecream in a little icecream maker he found at a thrift shop. Jonathan made this one with cream and strawberries and stevia. Yesterday he made me some with lots of coconut cream he found for $1.99 a can, just a little organic cream, and stevia. 

But then if I thought chemo appetite was bad, it paled in comparison to my options after oral surgery. Soft food for days and days, and sometimes every swallow hurting like fire because of the ulcers that erupted all over my mouth and tongue. 

I cooked butternut squash, a potato, and carrots for soup to mash. 

I sauteed a little onion to add, and also added some leftover chicken. Is anything more savory than good onion simmering in olive oil or butter? (I've heard to have onion sauteing if you want to make your husband happy coming in the door!) 

And I put it through this processor which mushed it pretty well, but not very great. (Later Jonathan bought me a blender which helped a lot.)

And so here was my soup mash, just a little at a time.

It didn't look all that special compared to this fresh salsa from a huge heirloom tomato Jonathan found marked down, and which I turned into salsa for him. But I knew I didn't dare eat a bite because the tomato would have set my mouth on fire. So would the jalapeno pepper. They set my mouth afire even when my mouth is okay. That may be why I have cancer and Jonathan doesn't. He eats enough hot pepper to scare away everything from parasites to cancer! We both seriously believe this could be part of the equation. I wish I could eat hot pepper, but they often give me ulcers, not just make me cry.

Here's a sweet potato mush I made another time.  

And a pumpkin custard (minus the crust or any sugar, just stevia and extra eggs, which was a mistake because it tasted like egg and I could only eat about half of it, and it's not like I mean to be picky. 

 But this soup, when I still had an intact mouth and could actually chew without pain, took the prize. 

I give it five stars!

Chicken zoodle chemo soup! 

Thank You Jesus for every chemo comfort!

What Was the Happiest Surprise in Your Life?

 "What was the happiest surprise moment in your life?" Ms. Counselor asked me. I had just sat down gratefully in a soft chair in the IV room after a treatment at the clinic. The clinic counselor was leading a discussion among a few nurses and patients, whoever happened to be around. One of the nurses had invited me to join them.

"You got in on the tail end!" the counselor announced. "We've all been sharing stories! The question is, 'What was the happiest surprise moment in your life?' Now we've all told our stories, so what is yours?"

I thought for a moment and said, "The first thing that popped into my mind was a day when I was twelve years old. I was praying for God to forgive my sins. I had prayed for this for a long time and I just didn't know if it was done. I should have known, because God's Word tells us that Jesus came into the world and died to save us from our sins, and if we believe in Him, He will become our Savior. But that day, I was praying and just giving God everything--all of me. And just like that, suddenly I knew I was a child of God! It was such a happy surprise, to KNOW!" 

I felt like I kind of stumbled and stammered a little, but then before the counselor had time to say anything, I went on and shared that another happy moment in my life was when Jonathan asked to marry me! "But," I said, "that wasn't a surprise because I was expecting itl But what I wasn't expecting was the question he asked me the same day he asked to marry me. He asked me what I believed about ghosts!" 

The whole room erupted. Ms. Counselor's eyes rolled nearly up to the Arizona sky. "WHAT did he want to know THAT for?" she wondered. 

I wonder to this day! Jonathan will never, never live it down! But it made the most hilariously awesome proposal story--our very own funny, sweet, hilarious, and romantic story!

But the prayer story was riveted on the nurses' minds. There was sharing about prayer, and I felt later that God had opened a little door in that moment to simply plant a seed for Jesus at the clinic. I used to speak up boldly about my beliefs, but often my approach did not seem effective. And so I have hung back in more recent years, because it seems better to pray and wait for an open door and then gently step inside, caring about the feelings of the other person, to not leave them feeling awkward but cared about.

Another seed planted was at the dentist office where we returned yesterday to try to get some help for my terrible outbreak of mouth sores after my oral surgery. Even with pain med, I was in so much pain I was almost in tears. 

I did not know why I had ended up back in the dentist chair with some of the most severe mouth pain I've ever been in, though I suspected I was reacting to the strong antibiotics or else my immune system is down from cancer treatments. Someone at the dentist office said it was from all the work in the mouth... Surrounded by the dentist's favorite Harley Davidson mementos all over the walls and counters, we sat listening to the dentist's stories while numbing spray zapped my lesions and laser lights criss-crossed inside and outside my mouth. It didn't even help. Later I felt the pain was worse. I hadn't even asked for the appointment. So why did we get that call from the dentist office to come in? I figured my cancer clinic called and insisted the dentist see me and try to help, but did God have another purpose for this lady with the swollen cheeks?

So with my painful lesions, a mouth wide open so Mr. Dentist could see inside, and other deterrents, I couldn't say much!! The dentist, a Jewish man, loudly made up for it by doing most of the talking, punctuated with words his mother should have washed out of his mouth long years ago with soap! 

(These pictures were taken at home with ultra-violet lights sent home immediately after the surgery.)

  Finally at the end when there was a pause in the conversation between him and Jonathan, I managed to ask if he had any relatives or friends in Israel where the conflict is. He does, of course, and said he cannot reach them because communication is down. But Israel is calling in all their reserves, the dentist said not just up to age 45  but up to 60's. Men and women both. "There's lots a man can do in his 60's that isn't armed conflict," he explained. More soapy words. I blink and try to sit up, my mouth zinging and my ears ringing.

As Jonathan and I followed him down the hall on our way out, I said one last thing. "We are praying for your people," I said quietly. 

That was all. 

The dentist ahead of me turned just a little.

 "Thank you!" he said huskily.

That was all.

Special South Dakota Mercies and Victories

The weather was almost idyllic for the two weeks Jonathan and I were back in South Dakota. We got to enjoy about three days of summer before a frost began autumn colors.

 As we were on our way to Rapid City to catch our flight to Mesa, AZ, and heard discussions about the wind and heavy rains coming that night to South Dakota, I knew I'd taken the good weather for granted! God had been so very good to us, allowing only good weather the whole time we were getting moved into the house and trying to accomplish as much as possible in the short time we had in SD.

Danny as usual was such a help to Jonathan. They were finally able to get the garage doors in--just in time before the bad weather came! Over Thursday and Friday, about six inches of rain fell!

  What a relief to have the garage doors in! Seems we have a welcoming committee waiting for company!

A big disappointment was that the trencher borrowed from a rancher to dig the 4000-foot trench for our water line kept breaking down. One part after another had to be bought and fixed until Jonathan and Danny gave up and took the trencher back to the rancher.

Instead Jonathan decided to rent an excavator that had been at the mechanic shop when the three-man work team came from PA and OH to help dig the trench--and then weren't able. This will have to happen when Jonathan gets back to SD.

We are still having to carry water. 

Just after Jonathan and I left for AZ, after one load of water, Danny realized Jonathan's diesel truck was leaking something, and there were bad sounds in the power steering and brakes both. 

We couldn't understand why that had to happen just after we left, but then remembered to be thankful that the truck stayed running the whole time we were in SD going here and there with it. Danny had gotten one tank of water before the truck broke down, and that tank will last a while. The van is there for as soon as the muddy driveway dries up.

Another beautiful thing that happened was wonderful news we heard after service Sunday evening from a friend at church. He had been a science teacher at a local school but had not had his contract renewed. His family had to rather quickly move out of teacher housing while he went job hunting. Applying at a school in another town, he was accepted as principal!

As a Christian, when he found out that some of the students at school wanted to celebrate "Bring Your Bible to School Day," he was all for it, encouraging the teachers and students to do so. 

When a self-avowed atheist mom of one of the students heard about it, she got in his face, threatening to call the ACLU and saying this was not acceptable.  

The principal told her to go ahead and call. He said that this activity was student-led, not forced on anyone, and quoted various court rulings freeing students to express their religious beliefs.

"So can my daughter share her atheist views?" the mom demanded.

"Of course!" the principal assured her. 

The daughter never did. Nearly every student in the school had a Bible on his desk that day, the principal told us!

And then there was "Pray at the Flag" day, also student-led. The principal supported and encouraged this as well. In fact, his wife made homemade doughnuts for anyone who came to that! 

Sorry I just have a picture of banana nut muffins at home rather than doughnuts, but oh, well!

The principal said there were about a dozen students who showed up, a couple teachers, a local pastor and his wife, and himself (the principal) of course. 

He said it was very touching listening to the students' prayers literally around the world, praying for other classmates, their school, political leaders and the world.

With the flagpole being right at the entrance to the school, this student-led, principal-supported activity attracted so much attention that the school superintendent heard about it and called or came in person to ask what was going on!

What was happening was that a Christian principal who for reasons unknown to him had lost his job as a science teacher in another school had come to be principal at this school--and God was already using him to be a profound influence that was literally changing the dynamics of this school!

How we did rejoice to hear that in the middle of all the bad news in our nation and world today, God is working in delightfully surprising ways!

Six Homes in Six Months

 In the last six months, Jonathan and I have literally lived in six homes! In May we moved from our Colorado home of 21 years, ending up in an RV in South Dakota! Before quite finishing our house up there even enough to move into, we had to drive to Arizona for cancer treatments–ending up first in a dorm at Gospel Center and then the condo of friends in Fountain Hills. After 8 weeks of treatment, we flew back for two weeks to South Dakota where we managed to move into our new house...

...just in time to fly back down here to Arizona for a major oral surgery for me and possibly a few more follow-up cancer treatments! 

(Below--I'm vacuuming sawdust out of drawers in the first floor bathroom of our house.)

 

This time in AZ we are staying in a little house recently vacated here at Gospel Center. I have become rather adept at living out of suitcases and boxes, packing, unpacking, and re-packing! But I am thankful for each place the Lord provides.

So many things were going on as our house in SD was being finished, and there were quite the piles of tools, cardboard, construction stuff, etc, and this is what it looked like the day we were to move in.

A sweet family who lives nearby came to help and this is what it looked like by evening! The kitchen counter was longer than I was used to, but with all my meds, vitamins, and supplements in three or four baskets, sprout jar, etc. I am grateful for all the counter space. It will be wonderful when we can get our furniture, including kitchen table, from storage. 

 

Jonathan hopes to have a live edge slab for coffee bar here later. For now, a piece of scrap will do!

Every day from our windows Danny's eyes scan the fields below for deer, turkeys, or other wildlife. He sets up his tripod so we can observe up close!

One evening he came dashing in to let us know that he'd seen a porcupine down by the plum bushes. We all took off with flashlights, but we never did find it. Just a field mouse hanging tight to a plum branch, frightened by the bright lights. 

The neighbors' dogs have found Mr. Porcupine, too, as evidenced by nearly 30 quills sticking out of one of the dog's noses! That took a long time for our neighbor to deal with!

As for Hannah, she likes to have the place spic and span with a few decorations here and there. She is a blessing! This Blessing plaque hiding the blender came from her cousin Carrie when Carrie was here in SD with the cousin group for a weekend of helping.

 She is also diligent with her schooling--even if I have a mess of apples and sprouts and meds on the table!

Homegrown tomatoes from our sweet friend up the hill.  It will be nice when we can hang pictures and clocks.

And last but not least--what fun to unpack the set of dishes I found at a thrift shop in Nebraska months ago on one of our trips up here. This is the set we chose for our very first home after we were married, but then had to leave in Ukraine. 

God provided the very same set again for us when we returned to the mission field of His calling. 

It was a very special token to me. 

 

Another Dreaded Procedure--and Jesus in the Car

Today  Jonathan and I were back in Arizona for the oral surgery that had been scheduled nearly two months ago by the clinic here. There were degenerated bones in every spot where wisdom teeth had been pulled 29 years ago, to say nothing of who knows what bacteria, viruses, fungus, parasites, and more--all very likely root causes of my cancer and especially of my digestive issues. The recommended special dentist cleaned it all out using specialized methods. A very kind young nurse was my anesthesiologist, explaining why he was searching for the best vein on the back of my hand before tapping on the vein up my arm. (Blood flows up the arm, he said, so they find the best vein as low on the arm as possible for the anesthesia.)

I told him that was fascinating!

I also told him that I was trusting the Lord right now because I was nervous about this procedure. 

I could just imagine all sorts of things to go wrong, especially that far back in my mouth! I mean, how were they even going to keep my poor mouth open for two or three hours? I had studied up all I could on the procedure, but decided not to go looking for every detail because it might scare me too badly! Sensing that I might need anesthesia sooner than later, and the surgeon having just arrived in the door, my anesthesiologist promptly squeezed the drugs into my vein catheter, told me to take five deep breaths, 

and--Anna doesn't need to take five deep breaths. She was out in two or three!

End of worrying, start of surgery.

I didn't know much more until Jonathan and the anesthesiologist were both lifting me into the car. It's a good thing I only weigh about 90+ pounds! At home Jonathan arranged the anodyne lights with the velcro strap on the surgical areas and my throat. 

Yeah, I don't look too good, but my blog is not about looking good.

It is about being real. 

'Cause I know I don't look too good most of the time anyway, especially with my ultra skinny face and body and hair going every which way. 

I'm so skinny now that my tailbone hurts much of the time when I sit for any length of time in the car, for example, or airplane, or now in a recliner recuperating. Just burning pain even though I've tried to arrange little pillows.

I was struggling just yesterday with how smart and strong and good-looking Jonathan is while I feel dumb and skinny and ugly, and dumber as the days go by when I'm out of it with cancer treatments and he has to make the decisions. 

(Yeah, the Lord had to help me with that one, and He did.) 

Jonathan was my angel today--surprising me with this orchid after the surgery that he knew I'd been dreading for months. 

But there was more than Jonathan the angel there in the car.

The next thing I knew, I was so weak and emotional that I just started crying. 

I was wiping my helplessly drooling mouth and spitting up blood and I cried and cried. 

I didn't just cry. 

I sobbed.

 Gut-wrenching sobs. 

With memories of other gut wrenching sobs in the past coming crashing in like a flood. 

Was I accidentally releasing a lot of trauma--crying as I'd wished to cry over and over?

I didn't know. 

I just know that suddenly, I felt calm, and all at the same time, there was a Presence in the car. 

It was Jesus!

He was right beside me on the console in the middle of the car. 

I felt as if angels were on the other side, but the Presence in the center of the car took all my attention. 

He took my breath away!

Jesus was in the car with me!

In the middle of my pain and utter weakness and complete out-of-control emotions, Jesus manifested Himself to me in a way I have never felt Him before!

I bawled to Jonathan that Jesus was in the car, and I cried some more, but not the gut-wrenching sobs from earlier. 

Jesus had calmed my storm and entered into my pain and humiliation and weakness.

He was right there in the car with me!

 My sisters whom I shared with on Signal discussed how anesthesia can affect you that way. 

Some people, as one sister had done after all her surgeries, cry and cry. Others are euphoric. 

Maybe I was both!

But I didn't care. I sensed Jesus and angels in the middle of it all! 

That was perfectly all right with me!

At home in the little house at Gospel Center right under the jets that go over every two or three minutes, we did the warmth of the adonyne lights and then the ice packs we'd bought at Dollar Tree yesterday. Too bad that we found them in the baby section! They were so absolutely perfect for my cheeks that were already starting to turn a little black and blue. 

After getting down the prescribed antibiotic and soon another pain med, I thought I might be ready for something to eat. 

Very smart Jonathan has a wife that is at least a little bit smart! I had thought ahead and made myself a butternut squash soup with chicken broth and butternut and yellow squash and onion and pureed it in this sort of food processor that we got without all the parts here in AZ.

\

But it worked. 

And after 22 hours without any food, warm butternut squash soup tastes absolutely wonderful!