Joy in the Middle of Airports, Hospital, and City Parks

God has allowed me to experience so much joy in the last few days--right in the middle of cities, airports, and hospitals--some of my least favorite places. But somehow, there has been contentment, and even happiness. I know my feelings have ebbs and flows, but I am capitalizing on the flows of joy right now.

Thursday, after six days in Arizona where I didn't even get the treatment I had gone for (but that is another story and that is okay) I flew home to Sioux Falls this time. I am becoming quite adept at going through these airports!

And I'm loving the old fashioned atmosphere at the South Dakota airports. My plane landed more gently this time and didn't give me whiplash (though I had nearly panicked upon boarding when I noticed how very small the tires were, compared to the big jet and all the weight of the hundreds of people on board.)

Anyway, the tree above was directly in front of me when I entered the airport--sleds, skates, skis--so cute!

Every tree had a different theme. These were a couple of my favorites. I found myself completely off the wrong direction following the trees in awe and wonder and had to turn around to make it to baggage claim. 

This star said to choose an ornament and write in one word what Christmas means to you.

Don't you love the responses? Most of the ornaments said Jesus, but here were ones that said "Hope."

"Miracle." (That was one of my favorites.)

Family.

Peace on earth.

Jonathan picked me up and less than 1 1/2 hours later he was dropping me off at a medical appointment, followed by shopping and a walk at a nearby city park called Falls Park,

 where the falls are lit up with Christmas colors.

The next morning, Jonathan was dropping me off at the front door of the hospital where I was supposed to get an echo cardiogram to test my heart. My lungs are having issues, and it is suspected that herceptin is the culprit, since this drug can cause heart issues which in turn can cause lung issues, which is why the doctors didn't want to give me that drug in AZ before tests ruling it out. But a chest X-ray in AZ revealed "hyperinflated" lungs. So now an echo cardiogram was ordered. 

I couldn't get one in AZ until Dec 21, so I scheduled one in Sioux Falls within two days. 

I could have been unnerved by entering a huge, strange hospital, but it wasn't strange after all because Jonathan and I had stopped there to visit Faye a couple months ago, and I had sung "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" over the phone to her right near that front door.

And a flock of sparrows had flown up out of the bushes there.

Now here I am--this time the patient--God's little brown sparrow!

 

It seemed like everyone there were angels that day--so kind and sweet and helpful. The lady at the registration desk is fascinated with holistic approaches to diseases like cancer and was so sweet. She called a volunteer who works there--for no pay--to help directionally-challenged patients like me to find her way to who-knows-where in the hospital. 

He showed me up this elevator and down that hall and across a long walk to another waiting room where I discovered this cute angel made from white mask fabric hanging on the tree there.

 The echo cardiogram didn't take long, with the sonographer being sweet and kind, too.

I really think that if we are sweet and kind and grateful, we receive it back. 

Such a South Dakota scene met our eyes on the way home!

And then it was good to be home with my youngest children--in our own home. How pleasant so many things seem when we've had to be in airplanes, airports, empty home in Arizona, clinics, imaging center, and hospital. 

Small joys seem immense after all that. 

Thank You, Lord!

Arizona Capitol--and the Lord Personally Takes Care of Me

When I traveled all the way to Arizona for my next herceptin IV, only to have it withheld because of my lung issues, God was still taking care of me.  

Monday I had the usual Vitamin C IV followed by ALA and B vitamin infusions, all of which usually leave me feeling at best whoozy and at worst even worse. But on the one day that I had to go alone to the clinic for treatments, I noticed that I was feeling just fine. 

"Why am I not feeling bad?" I wondered. I couldn't figure it out except that God saw me needing to drive 15 minutes to the imaging center after all my IVs, and then 45 minutes back home to Gospel Center by myself, and He helped made sure I felt just fine. 

I found this tablet I think sent by Tasbah Lavery which said, "The Lord will personally go ahead of you; He will be with you."

And He did this last week in a special way.

I didn't do much driving around by myself. I kept busy editing projects and getting stacks of Christmas cards and newsletters ready for mailing. But since the Arizona State Capitol Museum was only a few miles away, I decided to visit it Wednesday. 

I enjoyed the flock of pigeons flying around the dome as much as anything!

Can you see the lineup of pigeons over the pillars? 

Inside at the welcome desk, the lady asked where I was from, and my story came tumbling out. She told me her mother died of cancer, and her brother Steve is fighting cancer. His birthday is tomorrow, she said, and she ought to call him.

I told her I would pray for her brother.

Sharing my story (in a friendly and not mopey way) opens doors instantly; people reach out to share their own pain; and we understand each other.

Prayer is appreciated. 

Back home I made salmon patties for supper and packed the leftovers into my little travel cooler to eat the next day on my way home in South Dakota.

The doctor had ordered an echocardiogram to check my heart function to see whether or not my heart has been damaged by herceptin, possibly causing the lung issues. 

Long story short, the results were sent almost immediately to my Arizona Doctor, and my heart function is just fine!

God took care of my heart.

Even though I am having lung issues, (the X-rays taken Monday show they are hyper-inflated, like with COPD or emphysema almost) God took care of my heart.  

I think of other ways God takes care of my heart.

He cheers me over and over with photos and news from my children,

 such as my daughters Rose and Carrie who got together with another girl to finish more baby quilts for Lifeline Gifts. 

I love photos of their projects.  

 

And scenes from where Tim is living and trucking.

Then a sister-in-law sends photos of the cabin the family is building for my mother. Her property is under contract to be sold, and she is packing to move right next to my brother Fain's family. I haven't seen my mom for nearly a year, not since my dad's memorial service. I miss seeing her, but photos help. 

 Photos of Jonathan and Danny working for SIM (on the previous post) cheer me, because I know the men are finally doing what we came to South Dakota to do. 

And even though I didn't get to go with the family to the Black Hills for Christmas trees, I enjoy the photos.

This one was nearly perfect! 

Danny tried to give himself a haircut, with a mirror, while Hannah put the tree topper on!

 

And the guys finally got "Big Boy" up on the wall above the stairs to the basement. I'm glad I wasn't there to watch this stunt on plank and ladder! 

Happy men! 

And then the man in the red plaid shirt arrived at the Sioux Falls Airport to pick me up yesterday!

God uses Jonathan to help take really good care of me!

Work for SIM in South Dakota

While I've been gone to Arizona, my  men have been busy on various projects for or with Society of Indian Missions--as we had hoped to be doing months ago!

First, Jonathan and Danny have spent some time at Winner parsonage where Tonweya and Judy Sherman's family have moved, leveling the house and laying new flooring.

Then this week they drove to Martin to take out old pews and install different ones donated from a church in Kansas.

Well, long story short, the "new" pews arrived in worse shape than the old pews! 

It was decided to simply tear all the old, dirty, faded pads off the old pews and clean up those pews. 

Jonathan and Danny pulled out many staples and got rid of a lot of padding, leaving very fine pews that the Poffs are happy with. 

I just think someone needs to sew a few pretty cushions to place around the church so that people like me who happen to be so bony and skinny that they can hardly sit on a hard pew will still be comfortable! 

Pastor Poff asked Jonathan to come back today to join him and Nathan Easley for a prayer time at a family's home that has been facing some spiritual warfare. This was a first for Jonathan to take part in something like that. He and I prayed together over the phone before he went. Pray for a family who need God's shield and help.  

In between projects for SIM, the family keeps working at home. Jonathan and Danny brought "Big Boy" in through the front door.

They set up plank and ladder scaffold  to hang him over the staircase to the basement. 

They were happy to get him hung in the house at last rather than out in the garage. 

And for all those who know that Jonathan doesn't (or at least didn't) like cats, ever, here is a picture to prove that people's hearts really can change! :) :) :)

Hannah says he "loves" this cat!

Upside-down Plans and a Little Miracle

I am so amazed at the Lord's care late this afternoon. But let me back up. Today I drove myself safely through Phoenix traffic to the clinic where I was to get my port accessed, have some IVs including herceptin, have a lymphatic therapy treatment, and a doctor visit. Well, it was decided to wait on the herceptin until I have some tests for this issue with my lung/larynx that has not gotten any better in the six weeks since oral surgery. The doctors decided I should get a chest/throat  x-ray as well as an EKG before I get anymore herceptin. Herceptin can affect a person's heart, which in turn can affect the lungs. 

Well, the EKG place could not get me in before Dec. 21st! So my patient coordinator then called places in South Dakota and is working on getting me in somewhere up there as soon as possible. At least the imaging center that does x-rays near this clinic here in Mesa accepts walk-ins! I drove there and got right in for a throat/chest x-ray. Then I had forgotten my coat back at Oasis clinic, and I also realized that since I was  not going to be getting Herceptin down here in AZ after all, I needed to be de-accessed--that is, have the needle/line taken out of my port. So I drove the 15 minutes back to the clinic and behold, the office staff told me the last nurse had just left! I went out to the car thinking "Oh no! I have to drive all the way here again tomorrow just to have this port needle pulled out!" The nurse, before pulling the needle and line, also has to give me a "push" of heparin into the port to keep the blood from clotting in the port. They have to do that each time I get de-accessed so that there is good blood flow next time and blood is not clotted.  

As I went out to my car, I felt such a heaviness, with the whole purpose of my trip down here to Arizona gone to pot, no herceptin after all and now just tests about this lung issue, and now I  just missed the nurse to de-access me, so I have to drive all the way back in the morning the 30-40 minutes one way to the clinic for this simple little thing to happen. 

 As I got ready to pull out of the clinic parking lot, I saw a vehicle still parked with the back lights on, and as I pulled around it I saw that it was my nurse from today! She was doing something on her phone. I hoped she would still be there after I whizzed around the next corner and parked in the first spot I found. I rushed back on foot and got the nurse's attention through her window and asked if she'd mind de-accessing my port. She got out, a little in a daze. She said, "I was just sitting there in my car thinking, 'Why am I not wanting to leave?'" She had been there for at least 5 minutes just on her phone, and then I came to her window! "It was an influence from universal power," the nurse described it. "It was the Lord!" I said.The nurse was just marveling. She stopped at the front desk to tell all the staff how she was just sitting in her car wondering why she was not wanting to leave. She said she never does that!

So she went and washed her hands and took care of me and I hugged her and went on my way. To me it was a little token of God's care for me in the middle of another crazy turn of events. I had to leave some happy doings in SD behind to come down here to  AZ for herceptin, and when I get here I can't have herceptin after all, and I'm sent back to South Dakota for EKG!

But God cares about all the upside down plans. He sends a gentle influence to just keep a nurse sitting in her car, just hanging out for a few minutes wondering what is the matter with her--because a little lady had a need that was feeling heavy to her. And did God also see a nurse who needs to know that the "universal power" she believes in is the Lord?

 

Jesus, can I just say how much I love You!

 

Christmas Dust

 Yesterday morning I experienced elation one moment and almost burst into tears the next. It's crazy, this being a human, a woman, and a patient at a clinic. 

At home last week, two days after Thanksgiving while the older children were still home with us, I'd had the energy to do quite a bit. I took Carrie and Rose (and a couple dogs plus two annoying goats) with me through the fields and up the hill to the mailbox, and then helped stack wood afterward--until I knew I just couldn't do anymore. And Rose stopped the splitter at the same time. 

 

Sam and Danny had made short work of sawing the load of firewood that Jonathan and the children had gotten the week before. 

All Saturday evening I helped butcher two deer to stow in freezers that belonged to us and Pastor Ambrose up the hill. Well, the children did the butchering, and I operated the grinder and packaged meat. I loved squashing meat into corners of little ziploc sandwich bags and flattening the packages with my hand so they would stack neatly in the freezer. I guess the other children don't enjoy this job, but, I had to admit, I do--because it is easy. I feel guilty saying that, but when I try to do something hard and heavy, I start shaking and I just can't.

And I feel bad. 

My family is so good to me, helping when I can't do certain things. And sitting down to play music together, which I love, too. Their guitar and banjo and mandolin make me happy, while other Christmas music playing "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas Just Like the Ones I Used to Love" set me into a fountain of tears, and I have to go hit the skip button on the CD player.

As I remembered the ups and downs of my feelings the last few days, I thought of the verse that stood out to me in Psalms the other day, "He remembers that we are dust." 

"It is He Who made us, and not we ourselves," and He made us from dust. 

He remembers that. He understands when a mom feels blissful one minute when she sees pictures her children send her of their own Christmas tree in their cozy cabin and when she feels sad listening to the funeral service of Uncle Dave Blowers who seemed to be my very own uncle, too, even though he wasn't. He was my sister-in-law Anita's uncle, and he and his wife, Faith, had often come to hear my family's music programs and special events through the years, and, in the words of someone at the funeral who knew him, he was a rock. 

I am not a rock. 

I am just dust.

But God remembers that, and treats me generously and mercifully and compassionately. I love Him!

Arizona Again--the Roller Coaster Saga Continues

 As the roller coaster health ride continues merrily on, schedules and feelings have been all over the place in the last few days. Thursday the clinic in Sioux Falls called me with the news that they had finally been able to reach the pharmacy that would supply the herceptin that I needed. "But there's bad news," the clinic told me. That pharmacy had to have a certain license in order to dispense it to this particular clinic. Paperwork has begun on the process of getting the license, but it will probably take weeks. And I needed the herceptin this coming week. I would have to fly to Arizona again! 

I had just been noticing that I was beginning to feel a happiness again that I hadn't felt in a very long time as I was settling into our home, looking forward to going with the family to Rapid City to the SIM Christmas staff meeting, and going ahead of time to the Black Hills for real Christmas trees for us and staff. The plan had been to next week spend a day or two at the clinic in Sioux Falls and in between get to see the Christmas lights at the Falls Park. I was looking forward to watching Hannah decorate the Christmas tree and spruce up our house (no pun intended) for Christmas. Funny what small things can suddenly seem so happy after months at an Arizona clinic!

Instead, I'm asking Jonathan about a ticket to Arizona, contacting Ken and Pauline Ganger (friends who recently arrived in Mesa for the winter) about picking me up at the Mesa airport, and in less than 24 hours, I'm in Arizona, under the roaring jets of Phoenix, watching my phone for pictures from all the happy doings in South Dakota--

the successful cutting of four spruces in the Black Hills for SIM staff and several hours of ice skating fun our children had with the staff children at a rink in Rapid City. The good news is that we had been already planning the Rapid City trip, so the new plan to drop me at the airport involved zero extra miles. The tickets to and from AZ were reasonable.

But for a little while Thursday, I was so crushed with disappointment that all I could do was turn to Jesus. Conflicting voices and words kept coming to my mind.

"You are not allowed to be happy."

 "That's a lie." 

"Why should you be feeling this crushed when it's just about Christmas lights and fun times? Think of all the invalids suffering with constant pain and Christians in prison!"

None of these thoughts were all that helpful, although the last thought helped me with perspective.

Just turning to Jesus was what helped the most.

  And just starting to make alternate plans. And being hugged by Jonathan. And letting go--again--of little earthly happinesses that I had thought I would have. And starting to look for little happinesses in different places--even in Arizona where I really did NOT want to be during Christmas season.

 

If I have learned not to ever get too terribly excited about some joy I hope to have, or not to set my heart on some earthly delight, I have also learned that when we must give up one happiness, we are often given another--just a different kind of delightful something.

"That Thou givest them they gather," I read this morning. "Thou openest Thine hand, they are filled with good."

So I don't have to molly grub at all. Just take my bitter disappointments, however small, to Jesus and ask Him to show me where to find a different happiness.

Or where He wants me to reach out to someone in the middle of my misery--might it be the poor old man who tottered off ahead of me in the airport, not having the least idea how to get to the next step or security--and then I get dropped smack dab between a cowboy-hatted goateed middle-aged man and this very tottery old man on the airplane where I make friendly conversation and talk about the Lord's help in my cancer journey? Does God just want me to remember that disappointments are a gate to remembering that He is our joy--to spend my emotions and time worshipping Him instead of just drinking in the beauty of the Black Hills and spruce trees and cheerful Christmas lights?

To choose to contentedly enjoy the old fashioned Christmas tree in the little Rapid City Airport when I couldn't be up in the woods with my family?

While my children learn to skate backwards and fly around on the ice, can I choose to trust God when my legs nearly buckle under me coming off the airplane in Phoenix?

"My meditation of Him shall be sweet; I will be glad in the Lord."

Today--I am glad in the Lord.

And I worship Him.