Journaling--an "Option for Honesty" and a "Pathway for Joy"

 Recently I read how David wrote many of his Psalms like "journal entries that express a myriad of raw, honest emotion before God," and how it is "a powerful tool for processing emotions."

The author had the following thoughts.

1. Journaling Is an Option for Honesty

"Journaling has been immensely valuable in my spiritual life because it allows me to coherently engage and explain my emotions in a controlled, “judgment-free” zone... Eventually, those pent up emotions can lead to dissatisfaction with God and frustration in ministry. Journaling aerates the soul before God... unclutters my thoughts and puts the brakes on my racing mind."

2. Journaling Is a Chronicle of Faithfulness

"Periodically, I’ll pick up my journal not to write but to read. As I flip through the entries, my eyes pass over many green, highlighted sentences — the prayers which God has answered. Re-reading those prayers, I’m quickly reminded of the concreteness of God’s goodness and faithfulness.
Mathis writes:

“[God] made our minds such that we’re able to take thoughts further, and do so in greater detail, than our short-term memory can keep track of in the moment. When we write, we not only disentangle our thoughts, draw out our emotions, and dream about fresh initiatives, but we also develop them.”

So these hand-written letters help me not only to form my thoughts but also to record them. When I look back on my journals, the entries fill my mind with a panoramic view of God’s continued grace on me and those around me. Every time I see a green highlight, it nourishes my soul by reminding me to “forget not all his benefits” (Psalms 103:2)."

3. Journaling Ventilates the Soul

"When keeping our nose to the grindstone of ministry, we can often lose our tender affections for the Lord. Pondering God’s faithfulness and journaling his deeds reminds us that we are sons and daughters, not employees. Mathis is right when he says, 'Journaling is not just an exercise in introspection, but a pathway for joy.'

Journaling reinvigorates our joy, our love, and our drive to serve to the praise of God’s glory. It scrubs away the dust on our affections. It ushers in fresh views of God’s mercy.

Journaling is not commanded, but it is encouraged... God may use journaling as a means of opening a window to your soul, allowing the fresh air of his grace to ventilate stale affections and renew your passion to serve him, both in the traumas and triumphs of life."

these thoughts by Ernest Grant on desiringgod.org.

His Lovingkindness in the Morning

A few days ago Jonathan got this beautiful snap of a sunrise from our back yard,

with the boys' flags flying from their "fort!"

And a verse spoke to me around that same morning,

"Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust;

Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,

For I lift up my soul to You." --Psalm 143:8

I prayed that morning for a specific sort of answer to a specific sort of prayer,

and the answer God gave was, "No."

At least for that morning.

But that didn't mean He wasn't lovingkind.

His answer, and His will was kind, even if it was different than what I wanted.

And each morning since, in a fresh way,

I've been watching for His lovingkindness, and listening for it.

You find it if you watch for it and listen for it,

just as the children looked and listened for many things on a scavenger hunt on our home school field trip in Red Rocks Open Space Friday morning.

How eagerly they helped each other find and cross off the things on their lists of items in nature--

the younger ones with a simpler list,

and the older ones with a slew of interesting items to look for.

And I was doing the same thing these mornings lately--watching for items to cross off my list of lovingkindnesses,

though my items were noticed first and then checked off--

"another lovingkindness of the Lord!"

Let's check our list and cross them off:

home school friends--*

warm, sunny day in beautiful scenery,

"no charge" for the morning's doctor visit [what a kindness!]

and so on.  

Yesterday morning the Lord met with the students at Penn View and our daughter sent 

one of the most excited letters she's ever written us, which I posted yesterday with her permission.

It was another "lovingkindness in the morning" that cheered and comforted these parents

whose biggest joy is seeing our children walk in truth

and that they love, welcome, and cherish the presence of the Lord.

And then this morning there was another lovingkindness.

It started with severe weakness--I could not find the strength to begin the day and instead found myself in my chair in my room, reading my Bible.

Almost every verse was jumping out at me in the first part of the chapter in John where I was,

and I copied down verses and notes.

And then my dear husband came in and asked if I'd like to pray together.

Would I!

I shared with him the Scriptures God had spoken to me,

and He said he had some verses, too, from his reading.

Such lovingkindnesses!

And then he told me that he had downloaded seventeen prayers for his sweetheart

from PrayerMate, an app on his phone,

and he pulled up the first one.

We have been loving this prayer app.

Maybe you are really great at coming up with fresh, meaningful, exciting and nurturing prayers,

but Jonathan and I both have trouble coming up with something besides,

"Bless this person and help that one," and yes, we do come up with something specific sometimes, but really, in our weaknesses and wearinesses and humanity, our prayers have needed help lately!

(Maybe we aren't spiritual enough!)

 But God blessed us with finding this PrayerMate app which has been adding a tremendous dimension to our prayer life. 

We pray more deeply, meaningfully and specifically in five or ten minutes than we've prayed in the last two weeks, and 

sorry for being so terribly honest!

This morning I can't remember much of the prayer that Jonathan prayed for his sweetheart.

I do remember that he wrapped his arms around me and one of the first prayers was that his sweetheart would find God to be a refuge for her,

and the rest was praying God's promises from His Word.

His kind, deep, gentle voice coupled with the prayers from God's Word,

and his arms, and God's arms did more than I could ever have done myself. 

I went from so weak I could hardly move

to sensing a strength having flowed into my spirit and being,

under the power of which I worked all morning long. 

And inspiration after inspiration for my blog as I would slip back into the office from time to time to upload photos for future blog posts,

in between doing dishes and washing my hair and sweeping and mopping and planning meals and making apple salad and keeping younger ones busy while Jonathan and the older children installed backsplash on the new kitchen counter,

touched up paint, drained the swamp cooler on the roof, and installed weatherstripping.

"Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness, O Lord, in the morning,

and cause me to know the way in which I should walk,

for I lift up my soul unto You."

Note from Crystal: God Is Moving at Penn View!

Today we got a happy note from Crystal which I called and asked if it would be okay to post on my blog.

She said yes!

So here it is:

"Dear family,

     I just have to write and tell you how God is moving during revival here.

 I wasn't at last night's service, but I heard from other students that the sermon was on the Holy Spirit and Pentecost. There was an altar service, and people kept going to the altar to pray until 11:00! In service this morning, there was testimony after testimony of how God worked last night. When the Praise Singers (men's quartet) finally were able to start singing the special, people started going up to pray.

 

 I don't know how to describe the atmosphere. It was just charged with the presence of God. Pardon me for using the word, but it was awesome! It was hard to tell who was praying for themselves and who was praying for other people. Brother Zechman urged "everyone who knows the power of prayer" to come up and help pray.  Just wave after wave of people prayed through. The front was full of people praying. Some of the little elementary children prayed too.

 Some of the young people testified about what God had done, and even while they were speaking, more young people would kneel at the altar and friends would gather around to pray for them. It was so amazing to see God work. The preacher never even preached! The altar service probably lasted an hour and a half. I feel like I am floating on the clouds right now.

  It is just amazing to watch what God can do. I have almost never witnessed a service like this. Pretty much everyone from Uncle Fain's and Uncle Elon's families here are planning to go tonight. I am planning to go too. I am so excited about this morning, I just had to tell someone! God is still working and we get to see it! I just feel so blessed to witness what God is doing. Praise God!"

"No Charge Today"--and Free Grace

"No charge today," the receptionist announced pleasantly as I pulled my wallet out of my purse in preparation to pay the bill at the doctor's office. 

I stared at Jonathan, and he stared at the receptionist.

"Tell him thank you," Jonathan said quietly.

The receptionist nodded and stood up. 

All we could do was be grateful and leave.

The doctor is one that Jonathan has worked for recently, and Jonathan was able to get me in for a checkup about my chest pain. 

My heart checked out okay, and even the EKG came back fine.

I almost wished it hadn't. 

Then there would be something concrete--a reason for this pain.

Then everyone around me would sympathize and help take care of me and maybe even babysit my kids.

You can explain a heart attack.

How do you explain heartache?

 But the doctor didn't even charge us. 

Perhaps he understood heartache--most people do. 

The pain seems to be either a result of yanking something too hard while cleaning up a few days ago,

or stress.

 The doctor and nurse both had been so friendly and kind,

answered our questions, given advice.

I drove slowly away in the autumn sunshine, still with the pressure and hurt in my chest at times,

but contemplating the "No charge today."

Like the "free grace" the Bible study teacher had talked about on the radio broadcast on the way in.

"Amazing Grace" is the hymn on this laser-printed fabric in the quilt shop I ran into for a few minutes in Colby, KS, while Jonathan went to Walmart to get an air filter for his truck 

on our way home from Missouri. 

"Free Grace."

You get a doctor's advice and care for free--because he cares.

And then there is God's free grace--because He loves us and made us and nothing can separate us from His love.

And so I drove home, stopping to pick up some needed groceries,

and trying to put my trust in the Lord regarding not just the mysterious pain but the weights upon my mind..

And there is this subtle temptation to turn to shopping to try to forget what's bothering you.

So you just let Him know, "Lord, I'm trusting in You, not in shopping."  

And then you do shop, and but you are not trusting in it to make yourself happy.

And God blesses you with lots of marked down sourdough bread--

so much easier for me to digest lately than the regular.

And as you go about the store, you face another subtle temptation--to turn to food to help yourself feel better.

And you answer that one the same way--"No!

My trust is in the Lord, not in food."

And of course you put food into your cart, even a few marked down doughnuts or bran muffins or apple cinnamon chip cookies--

but you aren't trusting in food or sweets or chocolate to get you over the hump.

On the way home, you stop for just a few moments by a lakeside
to get out by the water and the ducks and pray.
You put your burden into His hands, and pray for guidance,
and thank Him for grace.

And you come home and you need a hot meal, and the girls are putting leftovers away,

but there is still some leftover potato/corn chowder I made yesterday,

which was oh, so good!

And so no, you don't trust in food to self-soothe, but God provides it for you like He did for Elijah,

and your angels are your own daughters, and you eat with gratitude the hot

and comforting bowl of soup.  

"Thank You, Lord, for this nourishing soup--just what I needed!

But remember, I'm trusting in You!"

 And sometimes there is the temptation to turn to work to try to forget what is eating at you.

Lessons to check, food to cook, the fridge needs cleaned, veggies need picked before the freeze tonight, laundry put away, waste baskets emptied, stuff sorted in the office, schoolwork to finish, 

spelling test to give, floors to sweep or vacuum. 

But no, you work because it is your duty, but  you don't trust in it to help you feel better. 

You trust in the Lord.

 The children had some western gospel songs playing in the CD player as I ate lunch, 

and the words touched me,

and yes, music refreshes and comforts and blesses,

but, God, it is in You  I put my trust, not in music.

 And unfortunately there is also the temptation to lash out and swat at someone like we swat flies on the wall.

You're hurting so you take it out on someone--maybe your child, maybe your parent, 

maybe your spouse, maybe someone else, maybe myself, maybe even the dog or cat--or rooster. (Danny brought a rooster inside this morning and was that ever funny as it flapped and squawked in his arms!)

 Maybe there's even the temptation to swat at God.

Yeah, I know what that feels like.

Instead, we just say quietly,
"Lord, I'm trusting in You."

You refuse to swat at God.

He has promised  to work all things for good if we love Him.

That includes this.

Cider Pressing--and What It Means to Die Daily

Last week the children got their wish when their daddy agreed to spend the day taking them apple picking in Denver at two places where there were free apples. (More on that later.)

And then Thursday afternoon and evening we set up the cider press that my sister's family had left for us, and we had a few friends in and pressed cider.

On the front porch, we ladies and girls cut the apples into quarters and cut out any really bad spots.

The boys and their dads kept the apples shredding in the shredder on the sidewalk,

and then wrapped the shredded apple in tough cheesecloth, 

placed those bundles of apple between layers of wooden slats,

and then compressed it with a compressor.

After those friends left, we had a quick supper, and then started all over again with other friends.

And night fell.

And it got chilly.

And the knives continued to quarter,

and the shredder to shred,

and the compressor to press until nothing was left but pulp--

and cider. 

Nothing like fresh pressed apple cider!

These half gallon jars went to our home schooling friends who helped us for a couple hours.

Sweet, sweet, rich cider.
The children couldn't stop drinking that stuff.
They slurped and slurped,
and we shared it out with our friends, this one and that.
Apples are great, but a lot of apple is core, skin, pulp, and,
oh, yeah, worms and yucky black stuff around the worms. 

You get rid of that stuff when you press cider.

 The apple is gone when the cider comes streaming out of the spigot.

The apple died,

and the cider comes pouring out.

 

Joni Erickson Tada reminds us that the Gospel "tells me to daily take up my cross and die to self..."

She wrote, "I call it an interior crucifixion. An inside slaying of anxiety, doubt, or fear – for me, it’s dying to thoughts like, what if my pain gets worse? Will I be able to live like this for the rest of my life?! God, this isn’t really your will for me… is it?!

It’s not something God asks us to do occasionally.

We are to pick up our cross daily because a cross-filled life is made up of many cross-filled days....

And I will tell you a secret.

As I’ve practiced taking up my cross – that heavy, hard thing in my life – I have fallen in love with Jesus through a deeper, sweeter, more intimate union with Him, the crucified Christ.

Living day by day in the fellowship of sharing with His sufferings, I discover a side of Jesus that perhaps many people don’t see – at least people who shun the distasteful duty of dying to themselves.

Yet God shares His intimacy on His terms; and those terms call for us to, in some measure, suffer as His precious Son did...

"Our culture hates that sort of stuff. It will do everything it can to distract you away from the blood-stained road to Calvary. That sort of life is for martyrs and missionaries… not you, it’ll insist.

Oh, friend, join me in receiving every inward and outward trouble with both your hands, as a chance to die to yourself and enter into a happier fellowship with Jesus.

When God does not give you what you desire; when you pray until your knees ache, and yet the Lord says ‘No,’ it is a way of receiving trouble with open, willing hands.

It’s a glorious opportunity to let go of what you want, and cling to what Christ wants – perseverance, endurance, and a clearer understanding of His amazing love."

[from Joni's new daily devotional, A Spectacle of Grace, as quoted in aholyexperience.com]

 The above devotional thought meant a lot to me,

because this very morning I had been bringing something to the Lord,

a dear desire, that actually came from Scripture,

and I wanted it to happen--

and prayed for it to happen--

and claimed the promise to happen--

in my time frame.

And my heart broke as I handed it over to the Lord--

to do in His time frame,

not mine.

And so more of my apple is quartered, and shredded,

and pressed and compressed,

and the night falls and it is chilly.

Dear God,

don't let this little apple go to waste!

Don't let this crushing load go to the garbage! 

Let there be some sweet cider somewhere--sometime,

in Your time frame!