Saying Goodbye to Jonathan

Last night we had to say goodbye to Jonathan for ten whole days, going on eleven, for his Mission Helps trip to Guatemala, but let's round it down to ten so it doesn't sound so long!

Our whole family went to Denver together with Jonathan to the hotel he had reserved Saturday on Priceline. He had to catch the airport shuttle by 4 a.m. this morning to catch his flight, so decided to reserve a hotel near the airport. I had planned to stay overnight with him but the snow changed that plan. We drove up to beat the snow, but it was already coming down as

we all went up with him to his room and admired how he had two whole queen beds to choose from just for himself!

I noticed his three sons milling around and asked for a picture of my man with his boys.

Specially that one that is taller than he is, and the one who is almost as tall, but not quite yet.

Then had to get a picture of him with his girls!

I had to say no to a myriad of thoughts about the dangers we'd heard and just enjoy the moments.

This is not the last goodbye (I hope.)

It's just the last one for ten days. (The Lord willing.)

"I will be back in a few days!" he whispered to me, knowing how my heart had been aching.

The pastor down there had been stoned twice and left for dead the last time it happened. 

The church is on the side of a volcano.

They said the road was four hours of very rough travel, and the town was up in the clouds, where little sun had shone through the trip Dave Holderbaum told us about.

There weren't really accommodations for a wife along, and the women were shy about American women invading their kitchens. 

I had decided I better stay home and finish raising our kids!!!

The crew has four hours of night travel from the airport at the border of Mexico to the town in Guatemala where the church is.  

But Saturday and Sunday Jonathan spent with his family.

Saturday he asked if I'd like to go with him on a few errands, and I did, driving home afterward so he could take care of business on his screen. It was a cherished time, just being with my husband for a few hours, having him reach across for my hand, trying not to think about the long ten days ahead without him.

Later that afternoon Jonathan had the boys help him collect tools that he needed to take along,

while I had Hannah help me collect hankies and socks and clothing articles.

 We try to intentionally include our children in our activities, because it's so easy to just want to shoo them out of the way, but if we shoo them, then down the road, they will not want to be around us.

We are busy, but that is all the more reason to include our children. 

One day one of them may want to walk in their father's shoes on Mission Helps trips if he includes and values them now and they remember Mission Helps trips as a project we do as a family.

Plus they really are a big help!

Sam was gone Friday night and Saturday morning, taking IV classes at the fire station.

 He came home with four red pokes in different spots on his arms. Each of the students had to practice on each other, poking the IV needles in! At home, Sam practiced taking blood pressure on one sibling or parent after another.

Then we had a lovely supper of enchiladas.

 Someone teased about it being the "Last Supper," and I had to tell my heart not to miss a beat.

In times like these, I struggle between whether to just keep extra busy and not think too many worried thoughts, or spend extra time on my knees surrendering my husband to God--whatever happens.

I did keep extra busy. Saturday and Sunday afternoon I finished putting together a notebook full of Spanish Sunday School choruses for children.

 I had bought two Spanish CD's at Mardels, and discovered that the words for the choruses on them were printed inside the cover!

But the print was so tiny, I thought I'd print them in large print on stiff colored paper, add pictures and put them inside plastic sleeves that would fit into a notebook,
 
and send the CD's and visuals down with Jonathan to hopefully help out some Sunday School teacher. I hope to expand on this idea down the road since we've traveled to many different Spanish missions, and take along other Spanish visuals, stories, songs, object lessons, or whatever
to help provide ideas and inspiration to Spanish children's workers.

The choruses were traditional ones like "The B-I-B-L-E," and "I Have the Joy, Joy, Joy."

or "Whisper a Prayer." Of course, sometimes the words are different in the Spanish translation. If anyone who reads this knows of where I could purchase Spanish materials such as song visuals or Spanish stories for Sunday School, let me know. Otherwise, I may set to work finding a few good stories that will work cross-culturally, and find someone to translate them for me so I can print them off and share them with Spanish Sunday School teachers.

This one was "I've Got a Home in Gloryland."

 The  many hours spent working on this project many afternoons or evenings helped me forget about  the long ten days ahead,

and made me feel like I could be part of this trip.

It's been a few years since Jonathan went alone on a trip. I've been blessed to be able to go with him several times, or even the whole family. Somehow those trips are the highlight of our lives.
Both Jonathan and I were called to missions and this is how we meet that call--
despite the roadblocks and the Satanic attacks.

 After Sunday dinner, we all played Bible Taboo before heading for a short rest.

Taboo is one of our favorite games.

And I will write more again later, but on our way to the hotel last night, I read aloud from my old diary I kept in Ukraine before I met Jonathan. I read from the wonderful days when, after four months of waiting, I finally received a letter back from the young man Jonathan who wrote to ask if we could write each other before meeting in the spring when he would be coming to Ukraine.

My diary was full of the loneliness and heartaches of those crazy days and months, with my coworkers courting happily right under my nose.

I spent many times going to my friends the Durfees where I could get away from the bleak  loneliness for a few hours and did not have to hide my feelings. My feelings were safe with them, and they loved me for who I was and included me in a lot of their activities. I felt like a different person with the Durfees. They are the ones who urged me to go ahead and give Jonathan a chance rather than waiting till we met like I thought we should. 

Because of their urging, I gave Jonathan a chance, and he reminded me on Valentines Day, that it was 25 years ago on Valentines Day that he called me for the very first time!

I opened my diary to that day and read it to the family, how after the phone call my coworker threw open her door and opened her arms and we hugged and laughed and hugged and laughed.

"Did I do okay?" I asked anxiously.

"You did great!" she said. 

And the sun started to rise in my dark world.

Even Carrie noticed as I read through the pages of my diary, how often I was crying. I was crying and crying and crying. Those were very, very difficult days, but day after day God gave me strength to do my studying and teach  my classes, and day after day someone was coming to me and hugging me and one little girl would come and say, "Are you sad? Don't be sad!" and give me a hug. My English students loved me, and the mothers loved me, and Tatyana, the lady who we lived with the first month loved  me. She would invite us to her place often and would ask me to play "Shepherd of Love" on the piano.

Or on my way to teach class, I would meet a friend and churchman on the sidewalk, father of two of my students, and he would reach out to shake my hand, and then, did he see the dark circles around my eyes?

Did he know I had been crying?
Arms in their furry coat would suddenly reach out with a wordless hug before he went on his way.I had just prayed for God's arms, and He sent them!

Or there would be a flock of sparrows. Or someone in need, and I could sort boxes of clothes for them. I was constantly making meals for my coworkers and sharing extra with friends and others even though it was all I could do to make myself want to eat.

I was constantly exhausted and crying.

Then Jonathan came finally to Kiev!

"Well, Anna," he told me after spending our second evening together running errands, taking a tool to a friend and then coming home to  my apartment where we visited a while,

"I just want to tell you that you are wonderful!"

And my lonely and dark world began to change. 

Me, the one with the haywire emotions, the exhausted body, the one with red spots all over my face at the time (I didn't know I was allergic to sunflower oil which was the oil we used there) the one who knew I wasn't very pretty,

and this handsome young man thought I was wonderful! 

He won my heart that first night, and he still has it.

Maybe this is why I have such a rough time when he goes on a Mission Helps trip and I have to stay home.

Subconsciously all of this is beneath the surface, and consciously, I don't know what I would ever do if something happened to my husband and friend, the one person in the whole world who continues to accept me just as I am, and who still holds out his arms to me.

Our "New" Van--God Makes No Mistakes!

Last Sunday morning in Salem, OH, an old acquaintance, Brant Luther, who had spent time in Russia and is now married and serving on a county commissioners' board near Salem, sang the special song. 

He read the background of the story behind the song, how the author had just found out that he would never have his one eye again.

Yet he penned the inspiring words,

"Rejoice in the Lord; He makes no mistakes. 

He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried
And purified,
I shall come forth as gold."

We sat there listening to the words, having just spent a very long day of travel to and from purchasing another van after our collision, 

and had felt we should go on to be in Salem on that Sunday.

I felt like that song had been sung just for us, that it had been worth the whole 8 hours of travel from Chicago to Salem for Sunday.

"God never moves without purpose or plan
When trying His servant and molding a man.
Give thanks to the LORD though your testing seems long;
In darkness He giveth a song."

"I could not see through the shadows ahead;
So I looked at the cross of my Savior instead.
I bowed to the will of the Master that day;
Then peace came and tears fled away."

"Now I can see testing comes from above;
God strengthens His children and purges in love.
My Father knows best, and I trust in His care;
Through purging more fruit I will bear."

It wasn't just about the van that we were thinking. It was about the whole set of circumstances that we are in the middle of.

The van was just something easier to see and understand.

I don't think we could have sold our old van for half the amount the insurance company gave us,

so we couldn't help feeling that the collision was more of a blessing than an "accident."

Jonathan researched online for a couple weeks. Most vans in this area were going for more than Blue Book value, but this one up in Chicago was several thousand below Blue Book value due to a significant crunch on the edge of the side door.

It was worth extra travel to get the kind of van we wanted, Jonathan felt. It is much newer than the old one, has far fewer miles, has significantly more power, and so on. As a sort of pre-Valentine get-away, Jonathan wanted me to come along, and Crystal came along, too, to spend some time with friends in Salem, OH.

Not only did we get a van (and free, warm, homemade burritos the dealer generously shared with us) but we got to stop in to encourage someone in crisis on our way to Salem, OH, and then spent the weekend with friends at Salem.
Andy Troyer showed us into the home of Forrest and Karen Wheeler who were away at the FEA campmeeting. (Since then, Forrest is right now in Guatemala preparing for the Mission Helps crew Jonathan will be with next week roofing a church under HIM. )

Kenn and Carol Lefever and their children has us for Sunday dinner.

Jonathan spent about 17 years in school with Kenn, so they understand each other pretty well. 

I was happy to see some people I went to school with--and am so thankful for those who have remained faithful to the way they believed.

The pianist pictured a little above was Lydia [Troyer] Kunselman, who was the librarian 29 years ago when I attended AWC, and at whose double wedding my sister Dorcas played the piano and our family sang. Lydia and her husband have been musicians for the Salem church and the Allegheny Camp Meeting for many years. Lydia's sister Dorcas, also former fellow student with me, sang with her son that evening, a lovely song.

Pastor Stanley Grabill and his wife were also fellow students with me 29 years ago at AWC.

So were Andy and Shirlene [Treese] Troyer, whose home we were blessed to visit after church Sunday evening. It had been built in 1863 and was one of these vast old houses that even had a second staircase to servant's quarters above the kitchen!

We enjoyed visiting by the fireplace, reminiscing and encouraging one another in the Lord.

Shirleen's arm suddenly around me as we headed to the door, saying, "We went to college together and we understand each other!" That meant so much to me.
I wondered how long it has been since someone has thought they understood me!!!!!

Jonathan and I have discussed how even in the conservative holiness circles there are significant differences

in culture from place to place. There are differences between the east and the west, between the  north and the south, between the classy and the low class, between the E's and the I's, between the Midwest Pilgrims and the New York Pilgrims and the Pilgrim Nazarenes...
When I married Jonathan and moved west, I left not only the east behind with its lush greenery, flowers, trees, and rainfall, but I left behind my family and friends and everything familiar, including many intricacies and nuances of culture, dress standards, and even beliefs. 

Some of these differences are unwritten rather than stated rules.
Like how to look humble.
I was taught over and over, in speech class and otherwise, to stand up straight, keep your head up and your eyes out on the audience, to smile and look pleasant for the sake of the people who have to look at you when you are up front singing or speaking.
Other places you start to understand (though no one ever says anything at all) that if by chance you are asked to sing or speak, (you must NEVER want to do it, because if you want to, that is carnal, but if you don't want to and are unwilling, that is carnal, too, so really, it is always hopeless for you to know how on earth you should feel about it, if feelings are allowed at all)
but anyway, if you do happen to have to go up front, my dear,
make sure to look down at the floor the whole way up there and back,
and make sure your shoulders are scrunched a little, just sooo, there that is the way!
Because you need to look humble enough to cause people to think well of you. 
BUT enough of that.

It felt so good to sit in the home of someone I had attended Bible College with and who had led similar lives since--involved in missions, ministry, and now as lay people, with some similar down times, similar deep heartaches, and similar joys. 

God makes no mistakes! 

Whether we sit in a 150-year-old house or one that is only 17 years old,

whether we drive a battered van or a newer one,

whether we are a missionary or a layman,
whether we hang our head up or down,

we can rejoice in the Lord.

"He makes no mistake.

He knoweth the end of the path that I take.

And when I am tried

And purified

I shall come forth as gold."

Happy Valentine's Day--Cough, Cough!

Valentine's Day today began before four A.M.

Jonathan was heaving with wild paroxysms of coughs along with a fever. When he finally got up to turn on the lamp in helpless heaves, I got my groggy self up, too.

I forgot about it being Valentines Day.

All I could think about was how to find something to help calm those coughs.

The night before I had rubbed some essential oil and Deep Blue cream on his chest. (Deep Blue is a combination of several oils that calm pain, but they also help cough, we've found.)

Now I was plastering his feet with Walgreens Chest Rub and putting more olive oil, thyme oil, and Deep Blue on his big hairy chest.

Then we went back to bed.
A few hours later, as we got up together, he admitted, "Whatever you put on me worked! I was able to sleep!"
And then he remembered.
"Happy Valentine's Day!"

And I got all folded up in a big snuggle against that same hairy chest that still smelled strongly of peppermint and thyme!
As this sweet door hanging says, which Naomi French brought out a couple weeks ago to supper,
"Love each moment!"

 Otherwise so far it has been a pretty normal day, with me sauteing veggies for my sweetheart along with his scrambled egg before sending him off to work for the day.

I thought that he didn't need to bring me a Valentine bouquet because look how our geranium is blooming red in February!

While the children did their chores--dishes, sweeping and other chores, I managed to mix up a batch of Murphy's Oil Soap water to wipe down cabinets--
these beautiful wooden cabinets that Jonathan put together for me 17 1/2 years ago when we built the house. They are still intact, with a few minor repairs and renovations through the years!

All morning there was school--helping Timmy with Algebra, (which required calling another home school mom who is a whiz at math and asking for help tomorrow!), checking lessons, giving spelling tests, helping with a book report and other lessons.
Carrie made a ham chowder and garlic toast for lunch.

After a history quiz during lunch and going over of our ABC Bible promises (we're up to H now), it was time to lay out a history test for Danny and find his textbook which had gotten lost,

give Hannah a piano lesson,

and lay out stencils and papers and pictures from my school file

to work on Spanish visuals to send with Jonathan to Guatemala.

 I am doing that to contribute to the trip since I can't go, and it helps me focus on something positive rather than wishing I could go along or that he would not have to go somewhere that the missionary got stoned twice already.

Right now they tell us it is very safe in that area of Guatemala--there on the big mountain which is actually a dormant volcano.
Yeah, I said that right. A volcano.
I bought two CD's of Spanish children's choruses to send down with Jonathan, of familiar choruses translated into Spanish. I printed the words in large print, hoping it might help the children learn some new choruses. I really hope they will be useful.

Here is a beautiful article that came in today that you might be interested in, about having a loving heart. 
https://christyfitzwater.com/the-best-decisions-come-out-of-a-pre-shaped-heart/

Today I thought of the verse about how God so loved the world.
And I guess I've been thinking about valuing people, and how much it means to me when I am valued as a person, and how painful it is when I'm not valued at all or devalued and discounted.
I thought of how the verse would sound if we replaced the word "loved" with "valued."
"For God so valued the world that He gave His only Son."

God so loved.
God valued the world so much.
God gave.
We love Him because He first loved us. 

Jesus, on this Valentine's Day, I have gone to my sunny window more than once asking for things from You--

things like strength for my day,

help in my problems,

grace for the hurting places in my heart.

What if I also went for a few moments just to love You?

Writing is my best way of communicating my thoughts, in contrast to some who think well on their feet and speak well, too.

So today, alongside the prayer requests sitting on my window sill, I placed a little love note.

"Dear Jesus,

I love You!..."

To you it probably doesn't really matter what I said.

But I hope that perhaps it meant something to Him.

Not by Alvin Gafford's Merits

Yesterday our family attended the funeral service for our friend Alvin Gafford.

 Friends and relatives filled most of the center pews at Faith Covenant Bible Chapel. 

His grandson Marlin's wife and three of her six children provided beautiful music.

Bro. Marvin Mosley, Bro. Gafford's and our former pastor, had flown in from PA. We were happy to get to see him and talk to him a while at the viewing the night before. He read the obituary, excellently written by Ellen Gafford, a granddaughter. There were many interesting details given, including about the Monument Creek Flood that Bro. Alvin waded out of with his mother and sister many years ago when he was young. 

Our family picnics near this creek every once in a while, where concrete walls have been built to prevent such a flood again.

Bro. Mosley also shared a few brief thoughts about Bro. Gafford:

1.  His Stature was Slight

2.  His Nature was Quiet

3.  His Posture was Right

4.  His Future was Bright

Bro. Ralph Gault read various memories including ones by former pastors Bro. Hunt and Goodwin,  Bro. Lowell McVey shared favorite Scriptures, and Bro. Steve Kearney officiated and shared a gospel message. Kearneys and a men's quartet sang. Bro. Lloyd Bley offered the closing prayer.

Katherine shared memories of her father's last days and the Lord's faithfulness. I thought she looked extra beautiful that day. She didn't dress in black for mourning, but in beautiful pink.

After all, her father was not pining in bed anymore but was probably walking among the roses and lilies in heaven's garden!

I wished I could have gone to the burial, but because of vehicle issues (our van was finally determined to be totalled by the insurance company yesterday, so the van needs a proper burial too!) I had to go with whoever I could get a ride with--which happened to be Crystal who wanted to shop a bit before going home. 

 Randy and Joy Albertson's family, relatives who had come in for the funeral, stayed at our place overnight.

When they were not out being pulled around on the sled or riding the horse, 

the children would gather around and Rose would read to them.

Curious George stories, no less!

 It was a delight to have them.

At the funeral, a lot of wonderful things were said about Bro. Gafford--his playing the saw, his testimony, his 40 years of work as a glass cutter, his submission to God's will about marriage, his quietness, his gentle strength, his saintliness. 

I wonder if he shook his head and smiled from up there in heaven somewhere.

 I think of some of the last words of another friend and fellow missionary we lost about 21 years ago--Bro. John Durfee, dying of lung cancer. He said, "The blood of Christ is all my plea."

Neither Bro. Durfee, who had been a missionary for years of his life plus a church conference president, nor Bro. Alvin Gafford, who had been a quiet, humble lay person, a well-respected saint for many, many years,

could trust in his own merits to enter heaven.

I had to remind myself that

no list of attainments or good works or flowery tributes will make any difference.

It's only through Christ's blood that any of us will make it to heaven. 

On the Sunday after New Years, we were introduced to a new song that I just loved.

I believe Bro. Gafford would love to sing it up there in heaven with his good baritone voice,

and maybe playing it with his saw upon his knee.

I believe it is sung to the tune of "In Christ Alone."

Not in Me

No list of sins I have not done,

No list of virtues I pursue,

No list of those I am not like

Can earn myself a place with You.

O God, be merciful to me–

I am a sinner through and through!

My only hope of righteousness

Is not in me, but only You.

No humble dress, no fervent prayer,

No lifted hands, no tearful song,

No recitation of the truth

Can justify a single wrong.

My righteousness is Jesus’ life,

My debt was paid by Jesus’ death,

My weary load was borne by Him

And He alone can give me rest.

No separation from the world,

No work I do, no gift I give

Can cleanse my conscience, cleanse my hands;

I cannot cause my soul to live.

But Jesus died and rose again–

The power of death is overthrown!

My God is merciful to me

And merciful in Christ alone.

My righteousness is Jesus’ life,

My debt was paid by Jesus’ death,

My weary load was borne by Him

And He alone can give me rest.  

by Eric Schumacher & David L. Ward 

After all the flowers have been given,

 the tributes paid, 

the sermons preached and poems read and songs sung,

In the end, when it comes right down to it,

Christ alone can forgive our sins.

Christ alone can pay our debt.  

Christ alone is our righteousness.

And Christ alone can give us rest.

Blizzards, Snow Forts and the Melting Influence of the Sun

A couple weeks ago, a blizzard came through and we got dumped with a lot of snow.

The drifts by our snow fence were so deep that the boys literally cut huge blocks of snow out of them to build a snow fort with.

Before Jonathan went to work that morning, we went out to admire our children's handiwork of the day before.

I had never seen this much snow and these many huge blocks of snow in my life.

 Timmy enjoys carrying one to the fort.

I'm always so happy to see my kids so happy outdoors, getting sunshine and exercise and fun!

As you can see, they spent hours playing!

 What's bad is when the snow is nearly this high in the driveway as well!

Or against the fence to the neighbor, and so when you take the dogs for a walk, they go sailing right over the drifted fence and into the neighbor's pasture and yard!

Several of us dug for half an hour to level that drift the dogs were using for a jumping board, and we also worked to snowblow the driveway to get a path through, and I shoveled a lot on our front side walk, glad for exercise and fresh air.

It took hours and shovels and snowblowers and sweat and aches to remove simply enough snow to get in and out of the house and drive safely without getting stuck.

But I couldn't help noticing, a day or two later, how quickly the snow disappeared under the influence of the sun.

No shoveling. No sweat. No noisy snowblowers.

Just the warm, quiet influence of the sunshine.

Already the deep drifts of snow have disappeared that were next to the south side of the house. 

No shoveling necessary.

Just the sun.

"Sun of my soul, Thou Savior dear,

It is not night, if Thou be near. 

Oh, may no earthborn cloud arise

To hide me from my Savior's eyes.

Abide with me from morn till eve,

For without Thee I cannot live.

Abide with me when night is nigh,

For without Thee I dare not die.

Watch by the sick; enrich the poor

With blessings from Thy boundless store;

Be every mourner's sleep tonight,

Like infant's slumber, pure and light.

Come near and bless us when we wake,

Ere through the world our way we take;

Till, in the ocean of Thy love,

We lose ourselves in heaven above."

Adapted from Katholisches Gesangbuch

In Memory of Alvin Gafford--God Transplants Another Lily into the Heavenly Garden

Our dear friend Bro. Alvin Gafford whom Jonathan has known all his life, at age 95, went to be with Jesus a little after three o'clock this afternoon. Jonathan and I were on our way to visit him after a day of errands and business in town when I called Katherine to make sure it would still work, but she softly let me know he had gone to heaven just a little over an hour earlier. I had written this poem two months ago on another night which Katherine had thought might be his last, but God gave him another two months. 

God Transplants Another Lily Into His Heavenly Garden

                   by Anna Lucas

    In loving memory of Alvin Gafford

The Lord looked down from His window in the sky,

And saw a wilted lily in earth’s garden lie.

He said, “I created Alvin to bloom on earth a spell,

But somehow it looks to Me like he’s not been real well.

It looks to me like earth’s garden is piling high with snow,

It’s frozen clutches reach and stormy wind doth blow.

Now I’m not the type of God to turn my head around

When a lily I’ve created lies helpless on the ground.”

So the Lord came walking out of heaven’s open door,

Right down to Pleasant Street garden to look a little more.

He walked right up so softly to Number Seven 0 Seven,

And asked the frail lily, “Would you like to go to heaven?”

The lily tried to answer, but teardrops rained instead,

Just streamed from out the lily’s heart upon the garden bed.

The Lord looked upon the lily, and saw the wordless tears,

He knew just what the lily meant when words were not quite clear.

So gently did His fingers pick the bowing lily up,

So tenderly within His gentle hands He held the lily’s cup.

So carefully God dug around the lily’s fragile roots,

Where often had the devil tramped with muddy, callous boots.

“Come bloom within my garden,” the Lord whispered clear and low,

Then carried our friend Alvin where healing waters flow.

God held this lily to His heart and kissed the tears away,

And carried Alvin gently to a better home to stay,

To a heavenly garden where lilies never die,

Where roses never fade and where bluebirds fill the sky.

Where the land is always summer and there is lots of room,

Where the Son is always shining and lilies always bloom.

Scale Drawings--Do We Get to Draw our Own Plans?

Last week I was helping Danny in math with scale drawings when Jonathan brought out a big roll of a drawing he was working on from his office.

What a great chance to show our children how their math lesson would really apply in real life!

Jonathan showed the boys the scale, how one inch equaled many times its size on the paper. 

He told us what he is having to do with this old drawing from Regional, how he is having to show on paper the changes that have been made in the last 20 years in the building he is to work on. Regional wants new measurements of everything that has been done to the building, to update this drawing they have on file.

I would go in with Jonathan on Saturday where the two of us would spend three hours measuring every room, window, hall, wall, and door in that doctor's office building. I sat there with ruler and pen, carefully marking arrows and lines and measurements.

(I loved getting a chance to work together with my dear husband!

As we make changes to this 20-year-old paper, I think about how things looked in our lives 20 years ago.

We were in Ukraine. 

We thought we were going to be missionaries in another country the rest of our lives.

One year later things had drastically changed. 

We were back home in the States, and other missionaries soon would be as well, and the mission compound we had been working with would be taken over by a national who was trying to line his own pockets.

Those lines hadn't been drawn into the blueprint of our dreams.

In Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts, there was a quote I copied into my diary 7 years ago.

"You don't get to make up most of your story.

You get to make peace with it."

"You don't get to demand your life, like a given.

You get to accept your life, like a gift."

We never know when there will be unexpected changes that will alter the whole picture. 

We have to learn to accept the things we cannot change.

But God is there for all of it.

"Standing in the shadows, you'll find Jesus."