It's a New Year--"Let Go of What Was"

This little devotional thought that was shared by our friend and widow Kristin Bump, who had lost her husband two and a half years ago, meant a lot to me last night. 

"Let go of what was.

Let go of what could have been.

Let go of what never came about.

Let go of regret.

Let go of shame.

Let go of sins forgiven.

Let go of hurt.

Let go of offense.

Let go of not being able to do it.

Let go of not doing enough or being enough.

Let go of roads not taken.

Let go of what you cannot change.

Let go and let God give you a new song.

             LisaAppelo.com

 

 

 

Christmas Eggs--When Your Heart Is Overwhelmed

When I just needed to get away for a little bit of quiet during Christmas time, 

just needed a place where I could go to stop trying to process burying a mother-in-law and helping a grieving father-in-law and cleaning up behind all the busy goings-on, 

I would slip out to the chicken coop.

 

Now I know that chicken coops aren't the place most people go to find peace and unwind a bit. 

They might go to the mall or the park or out on a quiet walk or to the gym to work out.

Me? I head to the chicken coop. 

There's just something about peeking into all the nest boxes and discovering a couple eggs here and several there.

And of course, there are always the empty boxes, too.

But in the end, I have a whole basket of eggs! 

Lord, thank You for Your little creatures and the gifts they give us when we are needing something to remind us that the world is still going 'round even if we are missing a loved one.

The hens are still in the coop, giving us the gift of eggs every single day.

And yes, I know they have a pecking order.

Some of those poor chickens have been pretty pecked and are missing feathers.

But they seem to know where they belong on the perches or in the corners of the pen when night comes. 

There they are, feathers all fluffed, ready to keep warm through the night while processing more eggs to lay in the morning!

 

I haven't any eggs to lay like the hens,

and I have no feathers to fluff and I can't even begin to keep hold of a perch in the chicken coop!

But Lord, "when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I!"

Something solid, unchanging, and peaceful. 

Lead me, Lord, to Your side!

Putting Away Christmas--and Where Are My Affections?

This year I was more reluctant than usual to "put away Christmas."

There had been so many sad things in the last couple months, and the warm, cozy lights and decorations of Christmas were something I just couldn't bear to put away on New Year's Eve or New Years Day as I used to do.

 It wasn't hurting anything to leave the Christmas tree up a little longer. 

Even if it looked a little scraggly and minus all kinds of ribbons, garland, and tinsel. 

(Our children say if we are going to have a tree, we are going to have a tree, and not cover it up with all sorts of jizz jazz. SO, they hang ornaments and string about 4 strings of colored lights, and that is that.

But at night when the children are gone to their rooms and I am walking with my prayer time in the dimness of evening with the firelight and Christmas lights the only ones burning,

that is when I can't bear to take the lights and decorations down.  

So it helps when I am checking Hannah's grammar and I see the following sentence, "Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth."

I am so thankful that my children have Christian curriculum for their school work. 

Sometimes I am blessed myself as the teacher, going over their work...  

...as I was today. "Where are my affections?" I reminded myself, as I thought about my lack of gumption to put away the Christmas things. 

Rose had come down sick yesterday and was huddled, sleeping by the Christmas tree while I taught school. 

Yes, my affections are not in Christmas--its trees, lights, cards or even Christ-centered decor.

My affections have been set on things above, not on things on the earth. Putting away a wall hanging that says "Joy" on it does not put away joy. Taking the lights off the Christmas tree does not extinguish the Light of the World. Hauling the greens and branches out doesn't make our peace disappear. 

Remind me, Lord, that You are the One I set my affections on. Remind me that my heavenly home is where I am laying up my treasures.  Remind me that when the festivities are over, You are my joy, my light, and my treasure!

A New Year's Confession--I Am Not the Christ

There are times I am tempted to envy our dogs.

They have this wonderful privilege of napping any time they feel like it.

Just curl up in the middle of the day and go to sleep. 

While we wash dishes, milk the goat, strain the milk, mop the floor, feed the dogs, cook meals, package books to send, listen to people's tales of woe, wish delivery men a good day, and a dozen other things.

I got through a very busy Christmas season, complete with a haircutting day for Jonathan's dad, the burial of his mother, another trip with Jonathan to town on New Years Day to take lunch in to Jonathan's father, 

 

(where we heard this robin in a nearby tree singing while Jonathan swept the snow off his dad's driveway),

saying goodbye to my oldest daughter, and being part of a family conference about some important things.

Today I kind of came unraveled.
I was on the tipping point emotionally, and it didn't take much to spill over.  

And then news came that an acquaintance was about to leave this world, due to stage 4 cancer,

and I went to some corner and cried.

I wish I could fix everybody's problems but I can't. 

I am not Christ.

I've been reading in John, and it takes me about three or four days just to get through one chapter. 

One day what struck me was John's confession about Jesus and about himself. 

His confession stated this: "I am not the Christ." 

 John was sent to prepare a way for Christ; he was Christ's forerunner; he pointed to Christ.

But he was not Christ. 

When he confessed something in that situation, John didn't say who he was, but who he was not.

That was his confession.
"John confessed, and denied not, but confessed saying, 'I am not the Christ.'"

Besides saying "Jesus Christ is Lord," it is a good and healthy thing to recognize that we are not Christ, and we are not Lord. 

We are not even little Christs. 

We absolutely have limitations; we can't do or be everything that everybody needs at any given time.

Sometimes we come unraveled.

So instead of making a New Years resolution about doing or being some grand thing, I need to remember this year what and who I am not.

I am not the Christ. 

 I am a simple, very weak human being who happens to be a woman on top of that. 

And I cannot fix things for everyone. Jesus didn't even do that. When He was on this earth He could only be in one place at one time.

What makes me think I can tend my family's needs, and mine, and my husband's and everybody else's as if I am God--

when, in fact I am not?

So this year, much as I would like to be powerful and mighty and all-wise and perfect--

I have to admit that I am not.

I have to confess that I have severe limitations and have to set up boundaries.

Because, simply put,

I am not the Christ.

Musical Daughter Leaves a Quiet Vacancy Behind

Our Christmas season had its sadness, but it was also very happy, and it was busy but very fulfilling. We came up on the last day of Crystal being home and realized we only had one more evening with her. so we made sure we just spent family time--including getting at least one picture of me and all my sweet daughters!

The children had spent hours several different days, cleaning up fallen trees and brush from places where the storm had blown trees over.

Crystal was blessed to help on a couple of those days and earn enough money to pay for the fuel for her trip home for Christmas! 

 The kids and Jonathan brought home logs for the mill and some for firewood. 

 

Here is one load!

The last night Crystal was home, I asked her to play a song or two on the piano. When she is home there is always music!

Whether piano arrangements or CDs playing or just the music of her laughter!

Sam decided to help out the music, as well as Hannah.

Sam thought some extra high notes would sound nice!! 

However, he decided to run away from the camera!

Ho, ho, ho, too late, Sam!

I love the different arrangements Crystal tries out. 

But then she had to pack to leave, and some of us helped her carry her stuff upstairs to be ready to load in the morning. 

I managed to get up in time to help her load her car, and then moms try not to show all their emotions as they hug their firstborn daughter goodbye again and pretend to be okay.

Dove Release--and the Angel Dove

Something very special happened immediately following the committal. Our Lucas clan did a dove release.

Our Tim and now Danny have worked for a vet who keeps homing pigeons/doves, and who allows them to be used for weddings or funerals. When I called to ask about the possibility of releasing doves at Mama's burial and how much the charge was, he said we could take a few--at no charge. He was happy to do that for us since our boys have worked for him.

But then the burial didn't happen right away, and his doves were moved down south of town for the winter.

Disappointed, I was able to find another dove release business in town, called Dick's White Doves.

Dick knew the man our boys worked for, and he said he would bring his own doves at a great discount. 

He brought 42 doves in these pretty cages.

I loved how in the photo Crystal took, it looked like rays from heaven falling on the doves, waiting in their cages here on earth,

like the souls of those who are still in their earthly bodies, waiting to be set free from this world of sin and woe. 

 

Dick allowed anyone who wanted to hold a dove.  

Daddy Lucas was the first to receive a dove. 

Nearly everyone took a dove. 

Dick instructed us how to hold the birds so they would not fly away prematurely.

Those white doves left a little white dust on our dark jackets or coats!

Getting ready to let go. That's Rob, who loves to photograph wildlife.

Dick let us know the direction in which the birds would fly, and we all turned to let go and watch them go. 

 If you enlarge the photo, you can see the doves beginning to take off as we release them.

 Dick opened the cages and released the rest of the doves all at the same time.

Since I was the one who had made the calls and made the arrangements, I was a little nervous about how this was all going to go.

And besides, I was also part of a grieving family that had just let go of a dear mother and grandmother, and I had breathed a prayer to the Lord today for something special during this sad time.

In my mind I envisioned something really special, like releasing the doves, and watching them circle overhead, and suddenly seeing an angel up in the sky!

Wouldn't that be special!

Well, we didn't see an angel in those moments, but when we got home, Tim showed me the photos he had taken, including a burst shot, a series of 34 photos taken in a matter of seconds. 

"In this photo [the one above], doesn't the dove in the middle look like an angel?" he asked.

I looked and looked at that photo, and I was about getting goosebumps.

I know it's blurrier when I enlarge the photo, but I was awed!

It looked like an angel hovering right over the grave!

All I could think about was my prayer and the thought of seeing an angel when we released the doves.

I know that dove in the photo was just a dove. 

It was not an angel.

It was just a dove that in that split second had its wings spread to lift itself to the sky.

But if "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," is it possible that angels appear to those who believe?

To those who pause long enough to see and hear them in the midst of the ordinary?

To those who look for them with the eyes of the spirit?

Angels of comfort; angels of peace; angels bringing good tidings; angels singing; human angels who help in time of need.

And yes, even special dove "angels," reminding us of who carried Mama home to the Father's side.

The doves circled and circled and then headed off toward Garden of the Gods  near which was their home, like the angels which, after announcing the Savior's birth to the shepherds, went away from the shepherds back to heaven. 

Doves like these, our friend had told me, have flown back here to Peyton from Buena Vista (2 1/2 hours away), from Trinidad, and even from Salina, KS ( 6 hours drive away).

Their built-in GPS created by God is amazing!

And every Christian has a built-in GPS inside, pointing to heaven--the Holy Spirit guiding and wooing us, telling us the way in which to walk, lest we stumble to the right or to the left.

"Some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away," the songwriter penned. 

Like those beautiful doves, Mama Lucas has flown away and has reached home.

We are still waiting in the cages of our earthly home.  

But some glad morning, we too, shall fly away to our eternal Home!