Immanuel--In a Hospital Restroom

God meets us sometimes in the most unlikely places--such as a hospital restroom and through unlikely things--such as a Christmas hat!

Yesterday as I was washing my hands in the restroom at Monument Cancer Care, I greeted the lady next to me who was also at the sink. She asked me how my morning was going, and I said actually a little better than it was earlier (I didn't say anything about how I had been feeling like passing out about the mounting bills and decisions at the doctor visit before treatment, and how we were going to pay for the chemos today). I remarked about how fun it had been to choose this hat from the free hat rack--because it was cheerful!

"Like you!" she smiled, to which I replied that we can have cheer even in our dark times because of God!

She looked at me suddenly, as a flash of understanding passed between us--a woman of faith finding another woman of faith--in the hospital restroom!

"I don't know how people get through life without God!" she said. 

"Me either!" I added, tossing my damp and crumpled paper towel into the trash. Then I said the first thing that popped into my head.

"Immanuel!" I breathed with conviction. "God with us!"

Right there today, in the hospital restroom, with mounting bills and days and weeks of chemo misery ahead. Immanuel was with us!

As I went out the door, I turned just a little and saw the lady--an awe-struck look on her face--pausing to watch me leave in the red, white, and green Christmas cancer cap, leaving behind the message of eternal cheer--

"Immanuel is with us--even in this cancer hospital!"

Chicken in the Sky--and He Will Lift My Head, Too!

Well, that chicken wasn't really in the sky, but there she was, perched on the tiptop log on one pile of firewood that the guys had gotten recently.

Right on top of all that pile of work and mess and chunks of whatever she felt like she needed to be on top of--

like I feel right now with certain plans switched around as to when Jonathan and I are leaving for tomorrow's possible chemo treatment (because of all the business/mission shopping he has to do around my chemo) and me just having to sit down for a few minutes to check out of the dizzying world--

and forget about all the food items, clothing, overnight gear, vitamins, and emergency stuff I have to pack up still for two nights away (or not--it's still undecided, which makes me dizzy).

I'm diving into my blog for a few minutes to share moments of grace in the middle of the chunks of work and muddle and worries.

Like moments when Crystal or Carrie or Hannah sit down at the piano...

or when Crystal and I get to watch the delightful Thanksgiving program Ricky Grubbs' mother's school children shared in Galax, VA.  Crystal didn't think she had time, but I was watching and exclaiming and oohing and ahhing, and she ended up watching some of the time, too.

And there were the moments when my niece Krissy helped Crystal and me  decorate the long-empty bulletin board in the church basement. The best part was putting on the stars.

We used some things Crystal had saved from when she did Christmas bulletin boards for the school where she taught.

There was the one above (a picture she shared with me from her phone)  

and this one. 

We combined the two to make this one. 

And Krissy being along with her helpful and cheerful self, made it a fun time of cheering up a chilly basement and an empty bulletin board. I had thought that board was half again as big as it was. It seemed to fill up a whole cavernous wall.

Instead, it was not much bigger than most, just that it took up most of the wall around the corner of the church stairs.

It was so much smaller than I had imagined it when we actually decided to do something about it--like many things are when you just worry or fret about them.

They look like whole big walls of blankness and distress until you take God with you and actually look at it with the thought of Him fixing it. And then He helps you with it, and it isn't so big after all. 

He shares the weight of all our cares and burdens, and lifts up our head until we sit like a star on top of a Christmas tree, 

lifting us so that we can stand on mountains of logs, firewood, worries, problems, and opposition with our head held high

under His big blue sky.

Gonna Be Grandparents!

Behind me a fire is blazing in our wood stove as I write, while wind whistles around the house and down the chimney.  A few weeks ago our daughter Rose and her husband Tom sent this announcement out to cousins and allowed me to send it to my family. 

And now I'm allowed to "spill the beans" on my blog, that Jonathan and I are going to be grandparents!

That sounds way too strange to me. I've felt like a little girl that didn't know how to grow up most of my life, and now I am supposed to be a grandma! 

(I mean, how can I possibly be a grandma when I haven't even grown up enough to make sure my slippers match on Thanksgiving morning?? )

It was sweet to hear both Rose and Tom, in our time of giving God thanks on Thanksgiving evening, thank God for the new life He was giving them in this baby they are expecting.

Of course, the great expectations have added a whole new dimension to our lives! All the siblings are excited and supportive, as are Tom's family members. The new baby, though still unborn, is added to our prayer lists, and everyone pitches in to help when Rose isn't quite as energetic as usual. I went hunting for the one solitary maternity dress pattern that I had saved through all these years, my favorite one, and I pulled out a couple jumper patterns, too, in case Rose or a sister would feel smart enough to alter the waists.

We're definitely not used to seeing Rose like in the above picture! Most of the time, she is doing fine, but morning sickness and other aspects of pregnancy take their toll! But she has gained ten pounds already, she says! And not thrown up more than once!

I am so grateful that Rose's mother-in-law is so incredibly supportive, the lady who knitted for me, with love and prayers, this shawl that I am wrapped up in this evening while my family is away at church. I went to morning service, but the extremely busy week and busy Sunday morning left me very tired. Plus sickness is going around, and extra guests were expected in church in Mission tonight, so I opted to stay home. 

Please pray that God will work out regarding chemo treatment this coming week and a way to pay for it through the hospital's sliding scale program.  

But for now, good night from the happy Grandma-to-be!

Moments Held in a Mother's Heart

 There are moments that are held tightly yet tenderly in a mother's heart.

One is when all her children are around the table again, under one roof, for Thanksgiving meal. (Danny set his phone camera up on the refrigerator and tried several times to get a picture. The lighting wasn't too good on this one, but at least it is a picture.)

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And there are moments of just seeing the children (and a boyfriend, a girlfriend, and a niece who is fixing the fire) helping each other get ready for the Thanksgiving meal.

"I'm glad you're all here," says Crystal, "even if we keep bumping into each other!"

Laughter, joy, and gratitude filled the day. (Rose is at the far end of the table reading the article Sam wrote a few months ago after his medical mission trip to Africa where he was helping at the mission where his future girlfriend's sister and husband minister. Sam did not know at that time, back in March, that couple might become his future in-laws, but he connected well with them, especially Josh, who just became a US citizen a few weeks ago--just in time to get registered and vote conservative in our election.)

Hannah, Tim, and Rose "jam" evening before Thanksgiving, while we enjoy seeing them have such a good time with their guitars and banjo.  

And little brother (who isn't so little anymore) challenges big brother Sam on doing pushups on fingertips rather than the normal way.

And there is a discussion about breaking thumbs to do it.

Just like boys.

(And their mom is secretly glad the challenges are to do pushups on fingertips rather than taking first drinks of alcohol or doses of drugs or risks at gambling. 

Could a mom be more grateful or blessed than I am?

I found myself eager to help with washing the stacks of dishes, because the stack of dishes meant the whole family was together once again.

It was a joy to put away food leftover from all seven children around the table again, sharing exciting stories of this year's elk hunt and bear hunt. Carrie had gotten a bear, turning on cowboy music on her phone after the killing shot, because she knew other bears could be around and she was alone! She said the story of playing cowboy music "for the bears" or "to attract the bears" had gotten bigger and bigger at church!

Tom told the story of how he got his first elk this year and all the details about that.  

In the afternoon, some of the young people helped in the barn where Jonathan and Danny have been making a warm corner for the animals, and the others of us sawed and stacked half the winter supply of firewood. 

After supper we presented a few early birthday gifts to Sam, including a set of fireplace tools and a waffle maker with a couple jars of homemade waffle and pancake mix and maple syrup, and a few household items for the house he is still trying to finish remodeling.

After that, since we were already gathered in the livingroom, Jonathan led in reading Psalm 113, a scripture full of praise, and then he and I read three THanksgiving short stories that I had gleaned online from Guideposts. Then instead of just going around the circle simply saying what we were thankful for this year, (even atheists can do that, despite having no God to thank, and even heathen can do that, having only imaginary gods to thank) we bowed our heads and actually told the Lord, our one true God, one by one, our thanks to Him for special events, blessings, and mercies this year. It was very meaningful. One grace that stood out to me was Carrie who thanked God for a job she loved (stocking flowers at a large retail store in Colorado Springs and helping families with chores). Not everyone loves the job they must do day after day. But thank God for this wonderful blessing. And then--well, I will have a whole special post about another very, very special Thanksgiving that God was thanked for by our sweet Rose and her husband Tom.

For a while, Crystal and Carrie tried out playing Christmas duets from a piano duet book. What fun to listen to all that music as the sisters enjoyed being together again.

While there was plenty of food, including this pecan pie the girls made from scratch and other desserts made gluten-free so that Sam's girlfriend could enjoy them as well, we purposely kept the number of dishes of food to a minimum so that we could focus on each other instead of slaving all day and all night in the kitchen and then overeating only to

slouch on the couch

falling asleep because we were so stuffed.

There were blessings to be enjoyed, walks to take (several young people took their walk before sunrise while the stars were still shining)  work to do, wood to stack, music to play--and many things to do besides 

slouch on couches being way too full of way too much food. 

There was so much love to go around in practical ways, 

and tender ways--moments of love and meaning

for a mother's heart.

When a Brother Comes by with His Wonderful Wife

 

Last week my brother Fain and his wife Regina traveled up from Missouri for a few days.

Fain wanted especially to bring us a bunch of asparagus roots he'd grown in his lush Missouri garden to plant in a bed in ours, and a bunch of garlic, too.  But he also brought fixings for wonderful Mexican fajitas with three kinds of meat and plenty of jalapenos and other peppers from his own garden.

 

Regina rolled out homemade tortillas. The meal was yummy! 

Fain helped in other projects, too, such as putting up a nice long shelf in the attic for storage. 

Boxes of my books are in the background in that picture.

(Recently I read that Hannah McDowell's autobiographical book of her missionary stories had reached at least eight or nine printings and sold over 8000 by now. Which made me feel pretty piddly. 

But then, we are not supposed to compare, just do our best with the abilities God has given us.)

Fain's wife Regina isn't in the public eye much, but she was such a help in the kitchen. She made a huge batch of sourdough bread, teaching me how to make it her style. 

She was willing to get up really early one morning to jump into a cold Honda with me for my drive to Rapid City for a medical appointment and other errands. Since my sister-in-law Anita had sent ten layette bundles, we stopped at Black Hills Pregnancy Center to drop them off for moms who choose life.

The center was in the middle of a layette drive, and were very happy for these darling bundles. Later, back at home, Regina showed us a video that her brother had taken long years ago at her wedding to my brother in Mexico. It was the most fun I've had in a while, seeing that video and remembering, seeing once again all the people in my family and the many friends we had at that wedding.  I had the honor of being one of four bridesmaids in that wedding, and Regina had sewed my dress for me. I think it was the first time in my life I ever wore lace on my dress, since my parents believed lace to be superfluous and worldly.
I decided to believe that lace was dainty, pretty, and feminine rather than worldly. A couple years later, I would wear that same dress for the English program my students put on in Kiev, Ukraine, where I was teaching, and my fiance, Jonathan, would decide that was his favorite dress of mine! But back to that wedding, it was interesting watching us play the bells and sing "Gentle Shepherd," Fain's choice of song for their wedding. And the best thing of all was watching the video from 32 years ago and know that my brother and his wife have been faithful to their vows and have stayed together. 

(Thank you, Regina, for being faithful to my brother and loving him through thick and thin! I am so very grateful!)

Another thing Regina helped with was putting together the puzzle my brother Hoshea sent down in the sunshine basket. I don't know how he thought I had time for puzzles, but Sunday afternoon, Regina sorted the pieces and started putting that puzzle together. I'm glad she had the patience, because I didn't!  

However, she cheerfully allowed me the privilege of helping finish placing the last few pieces! So there I am, in the slanting afternoon sunshine, placing the last puzzle piece! 

A huge amount of turkey breasts had been donated to the mission, and after many had gone hither and thither, a huge box of them was given to us. Regina helped me cook and debone several while she was here. We made a Turkey Biscuit Bake with some, a huge turkey salad for sandwiches for my work guys, and froze the rest. 

This was our final supper together before before they headed for the Black Hills. There they stopped to take a picture of the little house on Bear Rock Road just outside Custer where our family lived three years, back when I was age nine to twelve.  

This last week with my brother, old memories converge with making new ones, and I am blessed.

Autumn--Raking Leaves, Hauling Firewood

 The leaf rake Hannah and I took up to our church lost its handle halfway through our job of raking and vacuuming up leaves with a leaf blower/vacuum that Jonathan got on clearance at Home Depot for $20.

Hannah used it anyway! She also operated the vacuum that shredded the leaves all at the same time, while I tried to pick out any twigs that were too big for the shredder to handle. 

I loved having an excuse to be out in the late afternoon sunshine. 

Hannah wanted to use the leaves for mulch or compost in her garden.

 

So I held the big trash bags when she emptied the stuffed vacuum bags.

She prefers raking and gathering leaves to doing algebra, but she is doing great with her algebra, too, soon to be halfway through her textbook.

Meanwhile, Jonathan, Danny, Ricky, Ned Sherman, and Lakota men spent most of a day cutting and hauling firewood to the Martin church, which heats mostly with wood, and another trailer load for ourselves. 

What is more fulfilling than a load of logs on a big trailer?  

Especially in the sunset?

Fun With Mom's Wig

Take a guess what met me the other night when I came out of my bedroom after I had been modeling my wig for my sister-in-law Regina.

It was my son--with Samson-length hair (i.e. my wig)!

Here's a closer-up look of his mom's face while his sister cackles!

 

Here he is from the front! :) :)

My brother Fain (who was here for a few days) says I look better in a wig than without.

Hmm.

The problem is, how to get the wig to stay on.

So I googled it. 

And maybe I will order special double-sided wig tape.   

Until then, I wear caps knitted lovingly by hands whose owners usually know from experience the difficulties chemo patients face.

As I was going through my photos on my phone a couple days ago, I saw the picture of me in the wig shop before I started chemo.

I couldn't believe how much hair I had.

And after seeing myself in the mirror for these last two months, I thought, for perhaps the first time ever, 

that my hair used to look beautiful.
That was just two months ago. 

But I can't let myself focus on all the loss, but instead focus on the joys we can have in the present, 

laughs in funny moments with children who can still tease and laugh and say silly things that help us forget the hard and focus on fun with each other in the moment!